


I've heard it takes some time to get it right.

by JackPotato



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternative Time Line, Angst, Blood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Knives, M/M, Oblivious Alec Lightwood, Pining Alec Lightwood, Pining Magnus Bane, Sexy Times, Shadow World, Slight torture, but au, explicit - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-08 12:09:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11081295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackPotato/pseuds/JackPotato
Summary: Anything that could have been unsaid in that moment is forgotten as Alec’s face clouds over, all the painful memories of that night come flooded back and any feeling he may have shown towards Magnus is replaced with a cold stoic stare.And the shift in Alec is obvious by the pained look now in Magnus’ eyes, as he looks back at him.It doesn’t make Alec pause like it used to.Pursing his lips, Alec looks away and heads to the back of the club to meet up with Jace.How dare he, Alec thinks.How. Dare. He.





	1. My Head is a Jungle

**Author's Note:**

> Set after 2x10 but I've skewed a few things, hence why it's an au  
> This fic is unbeta'd so please be nice.  
> This fic will eventually be Explicit - hence the rating. 
> 
> Continuing the song fic angst because this is where I like to wallow. 
> 
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.
> 
> Chapter title is My Head is a Jungle by Emma Louise.
> 
> Come say hello to me on tumblr - JackPotato

_**In a dark room we fight** _   
_**Make up for our love** _   
_**I've been thinking, thinking 'bout you,** _   
_**'Bout us** _   
_**And we're moving, slow** _   
_**Our hearts beat, so fast** _   
_**I've been dreaming, dreaming 'bout you** _   
_**'Bout us** _

 

Passing through the pulsing crowds Alec winces a little at the loud thumping music and the bright strobing lights.

He didn’t want to go on this mission.

He wanted to stay as far away from Pandemonium as possible.

But they were so short staffed at the institute right now with everything that had happened at the Institute in the last couple of months, as well as the Mortal Cup and the Soul sword still missing _and_ the continued increase in tension between Shadowhunters and the Downworlders _and_ the increased demon attacks.

It all just added to the cluster fuck that had been the last couple of months.

 

This meant it was all hands-on deck now, with constant patrols, just to keep things under control.

Plus, this was just a recon mission, checking out a possible lead from Luke Garroway. It shouldn’t take them any longer than half an hour max… and then he can get out of this place and possibly avoid any interactions with him…

Hopefully.

Pushing past some mundane revellers, Alec freezes, his breath catching as he sees him across the room with his back to him.

A deep red silk shirt with some golden pattern is pulled taunt over broad shoulders, even from across the room, Alec can see perfectly coiffed hair.  

Magnus Bane.

Alec knows he should move so he doesn’t get noticed, but it’s in that moment that some of the crowd in front of Alec clears as Magnus half turns towards him.

The strobe light sweeps over Alec and their eyes meet.

And then it’s as if everything around them is suddenly slowed down, the sound turned right down to a murmur and everything around the edges is slightly out of focus.

Alec can feel his heart beating fast as he locks eyes with Magnus.

So much and yet nothing, is said in that moment, as they look at each other across the room.

The distance an ironic reflection of their current relationship.

Alec sucks in a breath. He had purposely evaded Magnus since that night a month ago, wanting to avoid this moment.

Magnus’ brown eyes are wide and his lips slightly parted as if he wants to say something, but can’t, the words just out of reach.

He looks good, Alec thinks absently, all dark eyeliner and trademark long necklaces on the bare tanned skin of his open shirt. But a little spiteful part of him can also see the dark circles under that perfectly applied makeup.

The pain in his glamoured eyes.

Alec is sure he doesn’t look any better.

Vaguely Alec thinks he hears his name being called, as he takes a step forward… towards Magus.

He can see Magnus’ Adam’s apple bop as he swallows hard, lips now pursed, waiting to see what Alec will do next.

Like coming across a doe in the forest.

Both frozen in the moment.

Waiting to see who will make the next move.

 

The strobe light sweeps over Alec again and he squints at the bright light, breaking the moment and suddenly it’s as if the volume has been turned back up again, everything returning to normal speed.

Magnus blinks and opens his mouth again, as if to say something, but is cut off by a shout.

‘Alec!’, breaking their stare, Alec looks to the left, towards the sound of Jace calling his name again.

Jace indicates towards the back of the club, Alec nods in reply, touching his right shoulder so his glamoured bow and quivers appears, quickly nocking an arrow, ready.

Before he moves, Alec looks back at Magnus, still standing across the room, carefully watching Alec, his face now unreadable.

Anything that could have been unsaid in that moment is forgotten as Alec’s face clouds over, all the painful memories of that night come flooded back and any feeling he may have shown towards Magnus is replaced with a cold stoic stare.

And the shift in Alec is obvious by the pained look now in Magnus’ eyes, as he looks back at him.

It doesn’t make Alec pause like it used to.  

Pursing his lips, Alec looks away and heads to the back of the club to meet up with Jace.

How dare he, Alec thinks.

How. Dare. He.

 

~

****

_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head, and oh** _

_**Oh** _

_**I'm speaking** _   
_**Soft** _   
_**See the pain in your eyes** _   
_**I've feelin', feelin' for you, my love** _

_**And our bodies, are tired** _   
_**Our shadows will dance** _   
_**I've been achin' achin' for you, my love** _

 

** 1 month earlier.  **

 

It had been another rough night of hunting, the demon activity seemed to be increasing in the city, and they just couldn’t seem to work out why. Now Alec was under more pressure from The Clave to work it out and fix the problem on top of finding the Mortal Sword _and_ the Mortal Cup, since it was his fault _apparently_ , that both were now missing.

But none of the Downworlder heads knew either, and due to everything that had happened at the Institute they weren’t exactly forthcoming with information anyway. A lot, like Raphael Santiago, head of the New York Vampire clan, wouldn’t even come to the meetings, no matter how much Alec tried to reassure them, _they had Valentine now… Jace was deceived by Valentine… he didn’t know_ … _We want to work with you…_

But years of distrust and abuse from Shadowhunters, The Accords and The Clave wasn’t going to sway them so easily into believing Alec was any different to the heads of the institutes before him… especially considering one had been his mother, ex Circle member.

And of course, so many of them had died when the Mortal Sword had been used and Alec didn’t blame them that they were finding it hard to trust Shadowhunters again. It had been his own parabatai that had accidently activated it in the first place.

It was just… the whole thing was frustrating the crap out of Alec, because he was getting nowhere fast and people were still getting hurt.

 

After every long hunt recently, Alec kept gravitating back to Magnus’ loft rather than to the institute.

They had been working till very late a lot more frequently lately, discussing the demon activity, finding leads on the Mortal Sword and the Mortal Cup, doing research, using contacts Magnus had, because a lot of them wouldn’t talk to Alec, but they would talk to Magnus.

 

At first, Magnus had invited Alec over to his loft after he had finished his nightly patrol, claiming he might have had some news from a contact or continuing the research they had done the night before.

Not that this was unusual, everyone knew they were a couple.

They’d been going out for more than 2 months now.

But when these nightly invitations started becoming more frequent, that they were almost nightly and Alec would return, sneaking into the institute in wee hours of the morning.  Alec wasn’t surprised by the increase in teasing, smirking and comments from his siblings.

Their ability to sense when Alec was sneaking back into the institute was uncanny. Always appearing, even when Alec had thought he’d finally evaded them. No matter what he tried to say to rebut them, Alec often just resorting to glaring and rolling his eyes at them before stalking off to his bedroom.

 

And as much as Alec didn’t care what they had said, sometimes he had wished that all their innuendo was true. Because really…  all they had been doing lately was researching and discussing possibly leads. Most of the time, until very early in the morning and Alec had fallen asleep on the couch with a book in his lap.

 

This night particularly, Alec sunk into Magnus’ soft leather couch with a groan, having dumped all his gear in the front hall. Head tilted back against the head rest of the leather couch, closing his eyes.

‘Well isn’t that a heavenly sight’, Magnus quipped and Alec could hear him pouring them drinks.

Alec opened one eye to give Magnus a withered look, before closing them again with a groan.

‘Well now angel, if you keep making those noises, I’m going to think you’ve started without me’ Magnus teased, Alec could hear the smirk in his voice.

Alec knew he had to bring this up, they had talked about making an effort, communicating with each other.

It was only a small thing, but it was still bothering him.

Alec sighed and opened his eyes, straightening himself up on the couch, ‘Magnus, can we talk?’

Magnus calmly turned from the bar and walked over to the couch, putting Alec’s drink down on the glass table in front of him, before sitting down in the red plush armchair across, with his own drink in hand without saying a word.

After taking a sip on his drink, Magnus finally looks across at the Shadowhunter, ‘About what Alec?’ he asks, holding the martini glass out with flourish, despite the soft tone, a hint of concern in his voice

‘I...’ Alec starts, looking at the expectant look on Magus’ face and then down at the drink on the table, a sudden wave of trepidation and nerves hitting him. Grabbing the drink on the table, Alec takes a big sip for Dutch courage, nose wrinkling as he winces at the strong liquor taste.

Alec puts the drink back down on the table and closing his eyes for a second to calm himself and letting out a breath, he opens his hazel eyes and looks across at Magnus, who is still watching him, an eyebrow raised as he waits patiently for Alec to answer.  

 ‘Look I know it’s been hectic and everything but we haven’t been….’ Alec feels his face heat up, ‘we haven’t…’ Alec averts his gaze, because even though they’ve been going out now for 2 months now, they’ve only really been sexually intimate in the last month and haven’t since the attack on the institute.

Alec hoped Magnus got the drift so he didn’t have to say the words. It was already embarrassing enough having to bring it up, even though it had been weighing on his mind for the last week.

‘Intimate?’ Magnus supplied with a raised eyebrow, watching Alec as he turns a brighter shade of red, still avoiding his gaze. Magnus sighs and gets up to sit next to his boyfriend, putting a hand on his knee.  

Alec doesn’t flinch at the gesture, but his eyes flicker to the ringed hand on his knee before going back to his own hands clasped in his lap.

‘Alexander, look at me’, Magnus says softly, watching him carefully.

After a moment, Alec raises his head and looks him in the eye.

Magnus gives him a soft smile, ‘I’ve been thinking the same thing. It’s just… we’ve had a lot going on, I’ve had a lot on my mind. ‘

Alec nods, cutting in, still obviously nervous about raising this issue, ‘I know… I mean, it’s been pretty hectic….’

Magnus narrows his eyes a little, as he listens, pretty sure that wasn’t what he was insinuating, but Alec pushes on, trying to get out what he wanted to say, ‘but all we do is fall asleep on the couch, and you know kiss hello, I mean it’s like we’re not even a couple anymore…’

Magnus raises an eyebrow at Alec’s choice of words. ‘Not that we’re not… obviously… you know’ he stammers, seeing the look on Magnus’ face, ‘but after thinking I nearly lost you when the soul sword was activated… seeing all those people dead… I just…I don’t want to waste another moment…our lives are so short… you know with what we do…’ Alec shrugs, ‘Well I guess me more than you… but still… you know what I mean’, Alec finishes, trying to not cringe at his own awkwardness.

Alec knows he is clumsy with his words, but he hopes Magnus understands what he’s trying to get at.

Magnus turns his head to look out the window at the New York night sky, ‘We lost a lot of good people’ he laments.

Alec watches Magnus for a moment, seeing the faraway look in his glamoured eyes.

He knew a lot of people had died, a lot of Downworlders.

It still takes Alec a moment to realise that of course, a lot of them would have been family to Magnus.

A wave of remorse hits Alec.

Here he was talking about sex and Magnus was still in morning for his friends.

How could he be so selfish?

Alec reaches over to take the warlock’s hand, ‘Magnus, I’m sorry…this was… I shouldn’t have said anything…’

Magnus slowly turns his gaze back to Alec, his eyes a little watery, ‘Why are you sorry?’ he asks, still caught in his reverie. ‘My darling, you have nothing to be sorry for’.  

Abruptly Magnus gets up, dropping Alec’s hand, he moves over to the bar to make himself another drink. Alec looks after him concerned.

‘You’re right… we haven’t been intimate in a while… and like you said… life is short… especially for you Shadowhunter’, Magnus swings back around, another martini glass in his hand. Taking a big gulp, Magnus swaggers back over to the couch, ‘I do miss hearing you moan little angel’ he smirks leaning in, strong alcohol on his breath as he kisses Alec, the short kiss is anything but chaste, pulling Alec’s bottom lip little before he pulls back.

As Magnus straightens up, Alec can see his eyes are glassy.

Alec furrows his brows confused, as he watches Magnus put his martini glass down, standing over him, he grins.

But even to Alec, it’s a ghost of a smile.

‘Magnus…’ Alec starts, but then he has a lap full of warlock, as Magnus straddles him, the leather on the couch creaking at the sudden movement.

The rest of his sentence comes out as a moan as Magnus sucks the skin of his deflect rune.

‘Shit’, Alec curses, because Magnus knows it’s a particularly sensitive spot for the him.

Alec grips Magnus’ hips hard enough to leave bruises, as he grinds down on him, half turned on and half confused as to what was going on.

Magnus continues to mouth up Alec’s neck across his jaw, kissing and sucking until he reaches his mouth, pulling back for a second before diving in.

The kiss is hard and brutal, teeth clacking at the force.

Alec kisses back for a moment, before he pulls back, because something about this feels very wrong.

‘Magnus-’, Magnus leans down to kiss him again but this time, Alec softly presses his hand to his chest to stop him.

Magnus’ lips twist and purse at the gesture, eyes flickering down to the hand on his chest, stopping him. He looks up at Alec expectantly, one eyebrow raised, ‘Magnus, just stop for a second-’

Magnus huffs and gets up off Alec and in the same graceful movement sweeps up his martini and heads out to the balcony. Normally displays of Magnus’ beautiful agility and grace turns Alec on, but right now it saddens him how quickly he moves away from him.

Alec runs a hand over his face and groans, before getting up to join his boyfriend on the balcony.

Magnus is standing there, shoulders slightly slumped as he looks out into the New York skyline.

Quietly Alec moves to stand next to him, casting a quick look across to him, before looking out into the night sky, waiting for Magnus to speak first.

‘I lost a lot of people I care about that day’ Magnus’ words are quiet and sombre, his gaze set forward, looking out to the city as he speaks, ‘but what scared me more, was how many people I could have lost… those who I love’.

‘But you didn’t ‘, Alec answers, matching Magnus tone, ‘We’re all right here’, he half turns to face Magnus, ‘didn’t you once tell me to not push you away when things get hard?’

Alec can see the small hint of a smile play on Magnus’ lips, ‘I think that’s meant to go both ways Magnus’, Alec puts a hand lightly on Magnus’ arm as he speaks.

Slowly Magnus turns towards him and Alec can see the light sheen in his eyes of unshed tears, ‘I think I might recall saying that…’ he replies, his lips tugging up in a small smile.

‘You didn’t have to bottle this up, you could have talked to me about it…’ Alec runs his hand down Magnus’ arm to take his hand.

‘I know angel, I’m sorry it’s just been playing on my mind recently’.

‘Like I said… I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere’, Alec offers him a small smile. ‘But I meant what I said, life is too short…well for me anyway…’Alec laughs nervously and rubs his neck with his other hand, before looking at Magnus earnestly, ‘I want to spend every moment I can being with you, knowing I have spent my life with someone I love, knowing I can have this with you’.

Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand, ‘and I am honoured to be the one to spend your life with you…’ A shadow flickers over Magnus’ face briefly as if he’s just realised something, before it’s gone and he’s smiling again and putting his arm around Alec, ‘Let’s go back inside, I think hot cocoa is in order’.

 

~

 

_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head** _

_**My love is wasted, sorry for this I never meant to be** _   
_**Hurting ourselves, hurting ourselves and I'm** _   
_**Complicated, you won't get me, I have trouble** _   
_**Understanding myself, understanding myself and my** _   
_**Love is wasted, sorry for this I never meant to be** _   
_**Hurting ourselves, hurting ourselves and I'm** _   
_**Complicated, you won't get me I have trouble** _   
_**Understanding myself, understanding myself** _

 

Alec hasn’t heard anything from Magnus in a couple of days. Which would normally be fine, they’re both busy, he’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn and Alec is the acting head of the New York Institute.

But after spending so much time together lately, the radio silence seems odd.

And Alec can’t help the sinking feeling in his gut.

Especially after the intense conversation they had a couple of days ago, which ended up with Alec falling asleep in Magnus’ arms.

However, he had woken up the next morning to a cold empty bed and a short note from Magnus saying he got called out by a client.

Which had seemed a little odd, especially after the night they had, but Alec had tried not to dwell too much on it as he showered, got ready and left Magnus’ loft.

But now a couple of days later, after sending what seems like his fifth message to Magnus, Alec finally gets a reply.

 

_Can you come over after you’re done at the institute?_

 

Alec looks at the message confused, but replies quickly.

 

_Sure. I’ll be done by 6pm._

 

 

6pm can’t come soon enough for Alec and before he knows it he’s knocking on the heavy wooden door of Magnus’ loft, he opens the door, drink already in hand, ‘Come in’, he says, moving away from the doors swiftly and heading into the lounge before Alec can at least kiss him hello.

Alec closes the door behind him and follows Magnus into his loft, seeing him already seated at an arm chair.

The pit in Alec’s stomach becomes heavier, especially since Magnus keeps averting his gaze.

Sitting down on the sofa opposite, Alec puts his hands in his lap and waits for Magnus. It doesn’t go unnoticed that Magnus won’t look him in the eye, fiddling with a button on the blouse he was wearing and the half full bottle of scotch next to his glass.

After a moment of silence, Magnus raised his head to look at Alec, the pain in his eyes evident.

 

 

~

 

_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head** _

_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head is a jungle, jungle** _   
_**My head.** _

 

‘I can’t… I can’t do this’, Magnus can’t look him in the eye, ‘I… thought I could but… I just can’t’.

 

 

 

 


	2. Elastic Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You know where the door is’  
> Magnus can hear Alec pause, a step forward, before they turn and then he can hear the angry footsteps moving away. It’s when the door slams shut, that Magnus allows the tears to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 2x10 but I've altered the timeline, hence why it's an au.  
> This fic is unbeta'd so please be nice.  
> This chapter is explicit. 
> 
> Continuing the song fic angst because this is where I like to wallow.
> 
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.
> 
> Chapter title is Elastic Heart by Sia.  
> Highly recommend listening to the song as you read the chapter :) 
> 
> Come say hello to me on tumblr - JackPotato

_**And another one bites the dust** _  
_**But why can I not conquer love?** _  
_**And I might've got to be with one** _  
_**Why not fight this war without weapons?** _  
_**And I want it and I wanted it bad** _  
_**But there were so many red flags** _  
_**Now another one bites the dust** _  
_**And let's be clear, I trust no one** _

 

As the sun begins to peak from behind the city to begin a new day, the lone figure on a balcony somewhere in Brooklyn closes his eyes to the beauty of the morning.

The kohl makeup that once framed his dark eyes is now a tired smear, creeping into the creases, making him look more older and wearier that his young hundred or so years.

Sighing, he takes a deep breath before opening his eyes again, hoping that just maybe… just maybe… the night before was a terrible dream.

Maybe when he opens his eyes again, it will be the night before and he can start over.

But even when you’re the High Warlock of Brooklyn, such miracles don’t happen so easily.

An early morning breeze, stirs his once spiked hair, the rising sun warms his olive skin and the sounds of Brooklyn waking don’t change.

With another deep sigh, he opens his eyes, not surprised that the scenery is the same.

There’s a brush against his legs and a small smile tugs the corner of his lips for the first time in a while, as he leans down to pat the white cat that is making figure eights around his ankles.

Straightening up, he brushes down the black blazer he hasn’t changed out of since last night. It’s as if the act will brush off the events of what happened.

But it doesn’t.  

Spinning on his heel, he heads back inside to get changed and ready to start the new day.

Because ultimately no matter how much this hurts.

He must remind himself.

This was his choice.

This. Was. His. Choice.

 

**_You did not break me  
I'm still fighting for peace_ **

 

Both Magnus and Raphael watch as Alec storms out of the loft.

Raphael with a smirk on his face, happy he could get under the little Shadowhunters skin so easily. 

Magnus flinches a little as the door to his loft slams shut.

‘Dios, you know it’ll never work…’ Raphael says as he rounds the couch and sits in Magnus’ red arm chair, looking very smug with himself.

It isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation since Magnus had started dating Alec.

Magnus looks towards the front door for a moment longer before turning back to the vampire, raising an eyebrow, ‘Whatever do you mean Raphael?’ he tries to keep his tone light, but Magnus is getting a little sick of having this conversation with him over and over again.

Raphael huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes, shaking his head a little, ‘you know what I mean Magnus, you and that Nephilim. It’ll never work’.

Magnus heads towards his mini bar to make himself a drink, hoping his silence is enough of a hint to Raphael that he doesn’t want to talk about this… again.

‘It’ll only get worse… he’ll always chose them over you’, Raphael continued knowingly.

Magnus turns back around, drink in hand, ‘I didn’t realise this was a topic open for discussion’, he replies breezily, sitting down on the other arm chair opposite and crossing his legs with a flourish, ‘I’m sorry did you want a drink? I didn’t think you’d be staying much longer’.

Raphael rolls his eyes and huffs a laugh at his old friend’s bluntness, ‘Magnus, he’ll only hurt you. They don’t care about us… no matter what you _think_ he feels… he never will… not really’.

Magnus abruptly uncrosses his legs and gets up, heading out to the balcony, finally having had enough of this conversation.

It’s the same thing Raphael always brings up when they have a moment to themselves and it’s grating on Magnus’ nerves.

Magnus knows it’s mainly because he has the same doubts Raphael is voicing and yet he’s not ready to admit it. Happy to be swept up in the romance of it all and not think about the consequences and the affect it’ll have on his battered warlock heart later.

This latest argument had been trivial.

Alec had wanted Magnus’ help with Valentine, some crazy idea about summoning a greater demon. But Magnus had refused, knowing it was too dangerous and putting all their lives in danger.

And for what? A slim thread of a lead about finding Valentine.

But of course, Alec couldn’t see that.

As empathetic and open as he was slowly becoming, Alec was still stubborn and bull headed on so many aspects. His own safety being one of them. An obvious side effect of being brought up as most Shadowhunter children are. Soldiers not people.  

So somehow, Magnus had been the bad guy for not wanting to help him… despite the many times Magnus had put his own life on the line for his Shadowhunter lover and friends.

But obviously, things were getting terse and with the added pressure from the Clave… Magnus could see Alec was getting desperate to find Valentine, especially with the increased demon attacks happening in the city. He knew how badly Alec wanted to prove himself to everyone, especially his parents.

It didn’t help that Raphael had been there to see it this time.

Which only made things worse.

Raphael liked to tease and goad Alec at the best of times, mainly because it was so easy to and they’re relationship at the best of times was volatile.

And then Alec had queried why Raphael was even there.

Raphael had said, with a smirk on his face, that it had been none of his business which had pissed Alec off more.

Looking out across the city at the night lights of Manhattan, Magnus sighed and swirled his drink. He didn’t look around when he heard footsteps behind him and Magnus secretly wished that it was during the day so Raphael couldn’t follow him out onto the balcony.

Raphael settles next to Magnus, resting his arms on the balcony, ‘Magnus, you know it’s because I’m worried about you’.

Magnus sighs wearily and looks over at his friend, ‘I know’.

  

 _**Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart** _  
_**But your blade it might be too sharp** _  
_**I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard** _  
_**But I may snap when I move close** _  
_**But you won't see me move no more** _  
_**Cause I've got an elastic heart** _  
_**I've got an elastic heart** _

_**Yeah, I've got an elastic heart** _

 

Storming back into the Institute, after his argument with Magnus, Alec makes his way to his bedroom to change, hoping a couple of hours in the training room will take away his frustrations.

‘Alec?’ A familiar voice called out, making Alec pause.

Inwardly groaning, Alec turned around to be faced by his mother, heels clicking as she makes her way towards him.

‘Hello mother, I didn’t realise you were back from Idris’ he replied tersely, slightly pleased at watching as his mother purses her red lips.

‘I was told to return, because it seems you are inept at finding Valentine and the Mortal Cup on your own’.

Alec tries to hold back from rolling his eyes, but he knows the look on his face is enough.

‘It’s not as easy as it sounds’, he starts, knowing it sounds like an excuse, but really they had exhausted nearly all their options.

Maryse Lightwood purses her lips again, raising an eyebrow at Alec’s response. Her disappointment clear, ‘If you did your job and weren’t distracted by that _warlock_ … you’d have some leads by now’, she spits the word warlock as if it was dirty, a disgusted look on her face.

This time, Alec didn’t hold back the distaste on his face, rolling his eyes at his mother, ‘That _warlock_ , as you put it, has been helping us, as have most of the Downworld leaders’.

Maryse huffs a laugh, ‘What could they possibly offer us, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were hiding it for Valentine’.

Alec gives her an incredulous look, ‘Are you serious? They’d have just as much, if not _more_ to lose than we do’. Raising his hand, he points at his mother to emphasise his point, ‘ _this_ is just because you don’t approve of Magnus’.

Her smile is condescending, ‘Alec, you’re so naïve. You may think he loves you, but he doesn’t. He’s only using you’.

Looking at her confused, Alec shakes his head, ignoring her comments, what does she know about Magnus? She doesn’t know him, like he does.

‘No, he’s not, why would he do that? He’s been helping us, trying to find out leads. So, has Luke’. He doesn’t want to have this argument with her, but Alec wishes his mother could see past her prejudice.

‘And the Seelies? What of them? Have they been helping you too?’ She asked, knowingly, obviously, someone had told her of their difficulty to negotiate with the Seelie Queen.

Alec sighs, ‘They’ve been helping Mom, you just can’t see it, you’re blinded by your prejudice’.

‘Alec’, she places a hand on his arm, ‘They’re Downworlders, they’re not to be trusted’.

‘I trust Magnus’, he replies indignantly, moving his arm away from her. He does trust Magnus, if he really thought about it, with all his heart. But that’s a little too scary to think about.

‘Alec, you’re young, you don’t understand. He’ll hurt you’, for the first time in this conversation, Maryse softens a little. Which unnerves Alec. She’s never been soft towards him, especially since he’s dating a Downworlder. Alec just wishes she’d trust his judgement… just this once and was more worried about his happiness than other people’s opinions.

Alec takes a deep breath, ‘and what if he does? Isn’t that the whole point? If you love someone, you take that risk, right?’, Alec wanted to add, you did with Dad. But he knew, considering his parents current situation, that was a low blow.

‘There’s no reason why we can’t work together? We’re stronger if we’re united’ Alec continues, trying to steer the conversation back to the original topic, feeling a little uneasy, talking about his relationship with Magnus with his mother.

Maryse sighs, ‘Do you love him?’

Alec blinks, ‘I..errr…’ he stumbles, a little taken back at the bluntness of the question. He had thought about it… many times, but had quickly dismissed the notion. Too scary to consider this early in their relationship.

Alec fidgeted underneath the interrogative glare of his mother. This conversation was making him feel very uncomfortable. Especially since Magnus and Alec hadn’t really hadn’t said the words yet.

Even though, Alec he felt it. He just wasn’t sure if Magnus felt the same.

Sensing her son’s unease, Maryse asked a different question, ‘You said, if you love them then you take that risk. Is he worth the risk?’ Alec was a little surprised at the question, his mother turning his own words back on him.

Was Magnus worth the risk?

‘Yes’, Alec blurted, before blinking again, slightly bewildered at his own response, but then he coughed, clearing his voice and his head, ‘Yes, mother. Magnus is worth the risk’, his tone more confident and secure in his answer.

 

 _**And I will stay up through the night** _  
_**Let's be clear, I won't close my eyes** _  
_**And I know that I can survive** _  
_**I walked through fire to save my life** _

_**I walked through fire to save my life** _  
_**And I want it, I want my life so bad** _  
_**And I'm doing everything I can** _  
_**Then another one bites the dust** _  
_**It's hard to lose a chosen one** _

 

The feeling of skin on skin, hot gasped breathes and whispered names.

Gripped sheets as Alec feels soft lips mouth down his body.

Licks and small bites pulling on the taunt skin of his stomach elicits a groan, his hips twitch and hitch up, seeking more than soft touches of the mouth.

As soon as they get close to where he wants them, they’re gone. Alec slams his head back into the pillow in frustration, groaning.

There’s a small chuckle and a whisper of a touch down his side, ‘patience my darling’, Magnus whispers into his ear with heated breath. Alec turns his head to the side to meet those lips, it’s messy and frantic as he finally feels a hand around his cock, breaking the kiss to gasp as slender fingers wrap around him and slowly, _way too slowly_ , move down and then up, thumbing the slit before moving back down with a twist.

Alec hadn’t realised Magnus had moved until he felt a lick and then breath on the head, before it was completely engulfed in a warm heat.

The feeling of Magnus’ mouth on him was always intense. Just as much as Alec liked the weight of Magnus’ cock in his own mouth.

Just when he thought it was too much, Alec feels a cool wet finger circling his entrance and then pushing in.

Alec gasps, head flung back, hips hitch up as he feels the familiar weight of a hand holding his hips down. Magnus takes him deeper at the same time as the finger goes deeper, curling finding that spot that sends jolts of pleasure through his body.

The room now filled with the sounds of loud moans as the one finger turned into two and then three, moving in time with the mouth on his dick.

Alec whines, so close to the edge, and then like before it disappeared.

Whispered words as he felt something larger and blunter, but just as cool and slick as the fingers push in.

This may not be the first time they’ve done this, but it’s still just as intense as the first time.

Alec gasps as Magnus stills when he is fully seated inside him, still not use to the stretch and the feeling of being completed filled.

Looking up at those beautiful eyes, as a silent yes, Magnus starts to thrust, Alec gasps as the normally glamoured brown are now Magnus’ natural cat’s eyes. This has only happened once before, during their first time, and now seeing them again, Alec pulls Magnus down into a blistering kiss as he continues to thrust into him.

Pulling back, Alec loudly groans that he’s close, feeling Magnus’ thrusts becoming faster and more erratic as he chases his own orgasm.

Magnus’ hand on him, pushes him closer, but it’s almost not enough.

It’s as if Magnus knows this and what his eyes do to him, as he leans in and whispers to Alec to come, cat eyes locked with his own hazel ones and it’s all Alec needs, hips twitching as he comes, closely followed by Magnus.

oO

Later, magically cleaned up, under cool satin sheets and wrapped around Magnus, Alec sighs happily as he settles in, close to drifting off to the sleep, he mumbles, ‘night Mags, love you’. As he lets himself be taken by sleep. Alec doesn’t feel Magnus stiffen in his arms. He too was close to sleep, now eyes wide and completely awake at his Shadowhunter lover’s words.

 

**_You did not break me (You did not break me, no, no)  
I'm still fighting for peace._ **

_**Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart** _  
_**But your blade it might be too sharp** _  
_**I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard** _  
_**But I may snap when I move close** _  
_**But you won't see me move no more** _  
_**Cause I've got an elastic heart** _

 

‘I can’t… I can’t do this’, Magnus can’t look him in the eye, ‘I… thought I could but… I just can’t’.

It takes Alec a moment to realise what Magnus is saying, before it all hits home. It’s like all the air in the room has been sucked out, and Alec puts a hand to his chest. Surely Magnus doesn’t mean…

‘W-What do you mean?’ he stutters, stepping forward.

Magnus is still not looking at him, instead he gets up and heads to his mini bar, back to him, ‘We’re just too different Alexander’, he tries to cover the quiver in his voice when he speaks. Magnus is glad Alec can’t see his face right now, the pain evident on his face, tears shimmering in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

He needs to keep saying in his head, _he needs to do this. It’s for the best_. But his heart aches. Alec had woken something in him he hadn’t felt for centuries. Magnus hadn’t loved someone this intensely in at least a century and even then, this was different. It felt different.

But it was never going to work, especially not now.

He wished it was different. With the growing resentment Downworlders had for Shadowhunters.

A storm was brewing.

Magnus had been thinking about this for the last 2 weeks. The conflict between Shadowhunters and Downworlders mirroring his own inner conflict.

Too many thoughts, feelings and opinions whirling in his head.

Magnus didn’t want to think that Raphael was right. That Alec would always choose his own kind.

That he’d never put Magnus first.  

But he never wanted to witness that happening, because that would be the death of Magnus.

He’s had his heart shattered before and Magnus can’t take that risk again.

This was for his sake just as much as Alec’s.

Magnus didn’t want to force Alec to make that choice and he didn’t want to see it when he did.

And lately, that has been more obvious to Magnus, with the constant fighting and Alec storming off, back to the institute instead of talking it through.

Pushing him away.

Magnus knows he should give Alec a chance, he is only young and new to all this. But he knows he’s falling so fast for the Nephilim that it’ll soon be too late to pull out of that tailspin, before he crashes and burns.

Alec takes another few steps forward, ‘That’s never been an issue before? W-Why now?’ He’s almost within reach of Magnus, and Alec can see Magnus’ shoulders tense as he feels Alec’s close presence.

Magnus blinks back his tears and takes a deep breath and then turns around with a flourish. Any hint of his pain covered by a mask. He pats Alec on the shoulder before he moves past him quickly, even that small touch, stings him.

‘It’s for the best’. Alec turns quickly, ‘for the…. Magnus. Stop. What are you talking about?’

Magnus keeps moving, he can’t let himself get close to the Nephilim or all resolve to do this will crack and crumble.

Magnus stops at the back of his couch, ‘Look Alec, we know this will never work. We’re too different. I’m immortal. I can’t…’ Magnus’ jaw tenses as he pauses.

 _I can’t love you and watch you leave me_ is what he wants to say, but there’s no way he will.

‘I can’t waste my time with a mortal’, he finishes, and takes a big gulp of his drink, for Dutch courage.

Magnus can see the moment when Alec breaks.

It’s subtle and quickly covered, a twitch in his left eyebrow, before they furrow in confusion at first and then his eyes widen at the realisation, before narrowing in anger.

‘W-was this all a game to you? I-I thought this meant something?’

Magnus half turns towards the windows, waving his hand airily as he does. He can’t look into those big hazel eyes as he says this, ‘it was an experiment, I thought it would be fun but now…’ Magnus takes another sip of his drink, ‘now you bore me with your little temper tantrums and demands’.

Magnus can see Alec in the reflection of his big windows, the clenching of his fists, jaw tensed, he doesn’t miss the gleam of tears in his eyes. 

‘This meant nothing to you?’ he demands, angrily.

‘Darling, it was good while it lasted, but now it’s over’, Magnus, half turns and steps back to the mini bar, eyes watery as he turns his back to Alec as he delivers the final blow.

‘You know where the door is’

Magnus can hear Alec pause, a step forward, before they turn before they turn and then he can hear the angry footsteps moving away. It’s when the door slams shut, that Magnus allows the tears to fall.

 

 _**Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart** _  
_**But your blade it might be too sharp** _  
_**I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard** _

_**But I may snap when I move close** _  
_**But you won't see me move no more** _  
_**Cause I've got an elastic heart** _

 

Present Day

 

Alec slowly walked towards the command centre of the Institute. He’d been summoned by his mother who, much to Alec’s frustration, seemed to think she was back to being the Head of the Institute, rather than just brought back to help. 

He knew he’d have to have the difficult conversation with her soon, telling her to back off. But Alec was really putting it off, despite the eyes Isabelle kept giving him during every meeting. _Now_ they said, _tell her now_.

Izzy was well meaning, he knew that, and really Alec should have had said something to his mother earlier, but he’d been so preoccupied with _other_ things happening in his life that it hadn’t seemed as important.

But now she was calling this meeting and Alec knew.

 _Now_ was the right time to tell her to back off.

Striding across the room, Alec could see Izzy, Jace and Clary were already around the main Ops table.

Walking up, Alec stopped and crossed his arms in front of him, ‘What is this about Mother?’

Maryse Lightwood, turned from the screen in front of her, and pursed her lips. She was in her usual outfit of blood red lipstick, no nonsense black dress, hair scraped back into a high pony tail and minimal jewellery. As she crossed her arms, Alec noticed her wedding band was missing. The harsh lighting in the Command Centre, cast unflattering shadows on her face, making her seem harder than she already was.

‘I have reviewed your reports and it seems you have gotten nowhere with your search for Valentine’. Alec opened his mouth to speak, however his mother lifted her hand up, stopping him, ‘Let me finish’, she chastised, ‘I’ve decided we need to take more affirmative action’.

‘More affirmative... what do you think we’ve been doing? Sitting on our asses?’ Izzy piped up, her eyes flashing with anger.

They had spent hours, exhausting every avenue they could think of. Many sleepless nights. To insinuate that they’d been sitting on their asses was well… Alec understood his sister’s anger.

‘Well it seems so, because you obviously haven’t been doing enough’, Maryse retorted, her tone cold and sharp.

Izzy muttered under her breath and Alec could only guess what it could have been. Maryse ignored her daughter and Alec knew he’d have to placate this situation before it got out of hand.

‘Mother’, Alec steps forward, trying to keep his voice calm and even, ‘Any affirmative action, needs to be passed by me first’.

Maryse raised her eyebrows at her son, ‘I was brought back to the institute to find out why no progress had been made. I was given the power to make any necessary actions. Don’t forget Alec, I use to run this Institute before you even received your first rune’.

Alec looked at his mother confused, ‘Powers? What kind of powers?’

‘I’ve brought in someone who has been tracking Valentine’s movements for the last month or so, as you said to me once, Alec, we are stronger against Valentine if we are united’.

Alec opened his mouth to protest, confused as to where this was going. Who on earth could track Valentine? Why was she bringing up a conversation they’d had more than a month ago? Where was she going with this?

‘I’m sure you’re all familiar with this… person’ Maryse stiffly held out her hand indicating to the person who had been hovering just out of sight and was now walking up to the Ops Table behind them.

At that moment, Alec couldn’t breathe as he caught a whiff of a familiar aftershave.

‘Hello Alexander’.

 


	3. Go With The Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Magnus… I know how you feel… still feel about Alec’.  
> Sighing Magnus’ shoulder’s slump, ‘I don’t think you know what you’re talking about Izzy’.  
> ‘Magnus…’  
> ‘I think it’s time you and your brother left’, Magnus replies abruptly, putting down his glass and swirling his arms to create a portal.  
> ‘Goodbye Isabelle’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 2x10 but I've altered and skewed and played the timeline, hence why it's an au.  
> This fic is unbeta'd so please be nice.
> 
> Continuing the song fic angst because this is where I like to wallow.
> 
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.
> 
> Chapter title is Go With The Flow by Queens of the Stone Age.  
> Highly recommend listening to the song as you read the chapter :)
> 
> Come say hello to me on tumblr - JackPotato

**_She said "I'll throw myself away,_**  
**_They're just photos after all"_**  
**_I can't make you hang around._**  
**_I can't wash you off my skin._**

Alec didn’t even hear his mother say she was going to leave them to discuss.

Didn’t even notice as she walked off.

Nor did he hear any of the awkward hellos between the Shadowhunters and the Warlock.  

Alec’s inner conflict dulling anything going on around him. It was as if he had stepped inside himself. Trying hard to not show how much that smooth voice affected him.

Even just the closeness of where he was standing, just to the side of Alec, was too much.

At that closeness, he could smell his aftershave. That heady exotic scent mixed with his sandalwood body wash that Alec had tried very hard to forget.

And now it felt like he was surrounded in it. It filled his nose and Alec felt like he could almost taste it, like he had many times before off Magnus’ olive skin.

Alec clenched and unclenched his balled fists, held ram rod straight by his sides as he tries to steady his breathing.

But it was too hard, every time he breathed in, he could smell it.

Alec let out an unsteady breath, trying to not show how hard it was to keep himself in control.

Fight or flight, but in this case, fighting between turning and yelling at the man who broke his heart or just turning and punching him in the face.

Alec closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath, trying to block everything else out from his mind.

Clear his head.

He was acting head of the institute after all.

He couldn’t let his personal feelings cloud his professional ones.

And he knew that’s what his mother was trying to do.

Show up, yet again, Alec’s mistake of dating Magnus Bane. Another way to say _I told you so._ It was odd then that she hadn’t stayed around to see the aftermath. Wanting to wallow in her self-satisfaction.

But that was the least of Alec’s worries right now.

It was no secret they’d split up. Everyone knew.

But only Izzy and Jace knew how hard it had hit Alec.

How he’d locked himself in his room for nearly 2 weeks with a fake injury. How it had taken almost a full week to get Alec to _eat_ something.

And Alec wanted to keep it that way, no one needed to know how hard the break-up had been for him. Especially to the cause of the pain standing right next to him.

Letting out the breath and opening his eyes, Alec half turns towards Magnus, placing his arms behind his back as he spoke, keeping as much distance both physically and mentally between himself and Magnus.

‘Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, thank you for helping’, he addressed the Warlock formally, never really meeting his gaze, because Alec knew, if he looked him in the eye, any inner strength he had mustered would surely fade away.

Alec moved his arm in a sweeping gesture over the 3D map of Manhattan illuminated on the Ops table, ‘If you could fill us in on your intel’.

Alec met the gaze of his sister and parabatai across the table as he finished speaking, noticing the raised eyebrows of his sister and the crossed arms and expectant look of Jace. 

He had to be diplomatic here, he already could see Jace was wound up, ready to move at any indication from Alec. Despite what Magnus may have done for Jace in the past.

His parabatai always came first.

It had been Jace who had coax Alec out of his room, got him eating again. Not many saw that side of Jace, hidden under his bravado and cockiness, but seeing Alec like that, nearly broke his heart.

Magnus raised an eyebrow and then clapping his hands together, began to fill them in on the details. It wasn’t much, but there were several leads they could follow to the possible whereabouts of Valentine.

Once Magnus had finished, Alec turned towards Isabelle, Jace and Clary, effectively turning his back to Magnus which may have been a little petty, but Alec needed to have something, ‘Okay so we have a few leads to follow now, Jace did you want to take the location near that abandoned amusement park, Clary you can go with him, and Izzy…’ He turned to his sister, ‘You and I can take the docks in Brooklyn’.

Jace nodded, and patted Alec on the shoulder as he passed him, Clary closely at his heels, giving him a sympathetic smile as she passed, trying to keep up with Jace as he used his long strides to put distance between them, the conflict between them still not resolved.

Izzy gave him a look that asked, _okay to leave you alone with Magnus?_ Alec gave her a small nod in answer and he watched her go, the heels of her thigh high boots clicking on the institutes concrete floor, a fond smile on his face from the protectiveness of his siblings.

It faded as soon as he turned back towards Magnus.

‘If anything, else comes up, please make sure you come straight to me the acting head of the Institute, rather than through my mother’, Alec says curtly, arms behind his back once more, his professional gesture and words only _just_ hiding the bitingly icy tone, ‘The institute has taken care of your fees, I’m sure you can show yourself out, if you’ll excuse me, I have a mission to get ready for’.

Alec turns quickly and awkwardly away, not wanting to be in Magnus’ space any longer.

The smile on Magnus’ face quickly fades, clearly seeing the cold hate in Alec’s eyes as he spoke to him, ‘Alexander…’ he starts, but doesn’t finish as Alec had already left the room, obviously not wanting to be in his presence any longer than necessary.

This coupled with seeing Alec at Pandemonium last week left Magnus on edge. He had really thought that while the Shadowhunter might have initially been upset, he’d get over Magnus quickly.

Now more than a month later. That obviously wasn’t the case on both their parts.  

Magnus pressed his lips together, as he watches the long leans lines of his ex-boyfriend abruptly leave, his jaw tight as he swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing as he lifts his head, holding it high.

Magnus knew this would be tough, but the hate, the cold hate in Alec’s eyes….

That was something Magnus wasn’t prepared for.

Gracefully Magnus swivels on his heel and heads for the door, feeling the eyes of the Shadowhunters in the room on him, continuing to hold his head high, not wanting to show to these Shadowhunters, how his interaction with Alec might have upset him. Moving quickly as the dull ache in his chest he had ever since he entered the institute was now an oppressive weight on his chest.

Before he could get to the doors, a slim hand tugs him down one of the corridors, and into a darkened doorway, away from prying eyes, ‘Isabelle’, Magnus greets her, the trademark pose of arms across the chest, one long red painted nail tapping on her arm ‘And what can I do for you?’ Magnus tries to smile, but he can see by the look on her face, whatever she was about to say wasn’t about the fabulous new eyeshadow he was currently wearing. ‘You shouldn’t have come today’, she states bluntly, ‘I’m going to ask that you don’t come back again Magnus’.

‘I was requested by your mother Isabelle, to brief the acting head of the institute. I can’t really say no to that, now can I?’ He replies, keeping his tone pleasant enough, Izzy huffs angrily at his answer, ‘You know you could have, do you have some sort of morbid fascination with tormenting the ones you’ve hurt?’

Magnus tilts his head to the side confused, whatever was she talking about? ‘Isabelle, I don’t know what you’re talking about…’

Izzy’s eyes flame with anger, ‘Alec’ she fiercely whispers, ‘he’s only just started getting better, this is the first mission he’s been on…’

‘Started?’ Magnus is confused again, ‘what… but it’s been over a month…’

Izzy purses her lips, ‘I can’t believe you’re that naïve, you broke his heart. He would have given up everything for you…’

At that Magnus huffs a laugh, ‘ _That_ my dear, I hardly believe’.

Now it’s Isabelle’s turn to look confused, ‘You really have no idea, do you?’ her tone hushed as she gave him an incredulous look. ‘Do you…’

‘IZZY!’ Alec’s deep voice cuts off Izzy’s next question and Izzy sighs and as she looks down the hall. She puts a hand on Magnus’ arm, ‘Look I’ve got to go, I don’t hate you Magnus but you really hurt him…’ Izzy shook her head, lips pursed, ‘If you ever cared for him, if you still do… you’ve got to tell him’.

At that Izzy moves out of the nook, ‘COMING ALEC!’, She calls, and then she’s gone.

Magnus shakes his head, confused at what Isabelle just said. There is no way Alec would give up everything for him. Surely, he couldn’t have been that heartbroken?

They’d only dated for little over month. He was a Warlock, Alec was a Shadowhunter, Magnus was sure breaking up with him was for the best. He didn’t think Alec had fallen in as deep as Magnus had.

But maybe he was wrong?

Magnus moves out of the nook and bumps right into another sibling, ‘Why are you still here?’ Jace demands and Magnus can’t help but roll his eyes, really regretting his decision to come to the institute.

He really did want to get out of here.

‘Well hello to you too, I was just leaving Jace, don’t worry’. Magnus’ brushes down his red silk jacket and steps to move around Jace, but Jace steps in the way. Magnus looks at the Shadowhunter, not impressed, crossing his arms over his chest, ‘Say what you have to say Jace, I’m really not in the mood’.

‘You shouldn’t have come’, Jace replies, just as bluntly as Isabelle. That was one thing Magnus did admire about Izzy and Jace, they’re never ones to beat around the bush.

Magnus tries to not snort at Jace’s words, ‘So I’ve been told’, he mutters, before holding his hands up, trying to put on a smile, not wanting to aggravate the hot headed Shadowhunter, ‘before you say anything, Isabelle has already told me, I promise this is the last time I’ll grace my presence in this institute’.

But it’s Jace’s look that floors him, the sadness in his eyes, ‘Alec was right, this was all just a big game to you, I had really hoped Alec was exaggerating. And to think he was going to…’ Jace shakes his head, stopping what he was about to say, ‘…look I know you did a lot for me, so I’m saying this as a favour. Stay. Away. From. Alec’. Jace’s finger pointing at Magnus punctures the air with every full stop, ‘I can assure you, I won’t be this friendly next time’ and with that Jace turns and walks down the hall.

Magnus furrows his brow as he turns to head for the exit once again, ‘Shadowhunters’, he mutters under his breath.

 

****

**_Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out  
You won't remember anyway._ **

 

Back at his loft, Magnus swirls the red wine in his glass as he gazes out across the Brooklyn skyline, ‘Maybe I was wrong?’ he says, more to himself, ‘maybe Alec did love me’.

‘You did say, he said he loved you’, a smooth silky voice replies, holding her own glass of red as she joins him on the balcony, putting a soothing hand on Magnus’ arm.

‘We’d just had sex for the first-time Dot, I didn’t think he actually meant it’, Magnus sighs.

Dot squeezes his arm and Magnus looks across at her. She looks good, healed and healthy after her ordeal with Valentine, looking particularly good in a deep red dress. It was good to see colour in her cheeks again, her warmth and softness, Dot’s magic felt strong, vital again.

It made Magnus smile.

He had mourned her, when he hadn’t felt her magic anymore. Another love killed by selfish Shadowhunters.

‘When Shadowhunters love, they love for life Magnus’, she replies, taking a sip of her wine, ‘you should know that’.

Magnus rolls his eyes and turns towards her, ‘he’s young, inexperienced… he doesn’t even know what love is’.

Dot chuckles, ‘so jaded in your old age’, she teases, pinching his arm, ‘you of all people should know, love isn’t something you know… it’s something you feel’.

Magnus smiles knowingly, ‘that is true’, looking back out towards the skyline, deep in thought. Did Alec love him? Was he really that heart broken by their break-up? Magnus had thought Alec would have moved on. That it was for the best.

Seeing Alec in the institute today like seeing him last week in Pandemonium brought back that pain he held deep in his chest that he had tried to nurse away in the past month with vast amounts of alcohol.

It only dulled the pain.

But it was still there.

And then standing next to Alec in the institute. It was so tempting to reach out and just run his hand down that pale muscled arm. To touch, to just… feel him again.

The pain had come back full force and it was almost too hard to mask the pain with his usual mask. He was sure his smile looked painted on, his voice wavering as he spoke.

But then…the coldness… from Alec. That was the worst.

It wasn’t until his brief brushes with Alec’s sister and parabatai that he realised, maybe Alec was still hurting too.

Maybe he had been wrong?

Magnus was so lost in his thoughts, he almost didn’t notice Dot had started speaking again.

‘We had a good time, together didn’t we?’ Dot ventures, and Magnus realises how close they are.

‘We did’, he smiles, tilting his head a little, not sure where this is going.

He had loved Dot at one point, centuries ago but now they were good friends. He had only asked her to come over because he didn’t want to be alone tonight. But Magnus was so lost in his thoughts, he felt bad that maybe being alone might have been better. He was not the best company right now.

‘You know, it’s kinda hard for a gal like me to find a hot warlock, let alone in this realm’, Dot moves in closer, and Magnus realises suddenly what’s going on and what Dot is leading to.

Leaning in about to kiss him. Gently, Magnus pulls back.

‘You’re a gorgeous, warm, generous woman, Dot, but I’m in love with Alec…’ Magnus stops, eyes wide at the sudden realisation. He knew he’d fallen for Alec, but he never let himself think he could be in love with him.

Saying the words out loud, everything hits home.

Dot gives him a knowing look, ‘You deserve to be happy Magnus’, she gives his arm a squeeze again, leaving her hand on his arm.

Magnus bites his lip and nods, putting his hand on hers, ‘Thank you’, he replies sincerely, ‘you deserve to be happy too. But I’m a one soul at a time kinda guy’.

Dot nods and drops her hand from Magnus’ arm, turning she puts her glass down on the nearby table and then turns to leave, ‘you should go after him you know,’ she says, at the balcony doors, Magnus hadn’t even realised she had moved away, staring out into space, so lost in thought, ‘give him a chance to prove it to you’.

Magnus gives her a small tight smile and watches her leave, turning back to the view as he hears the heavy doors to his loft click shut.

****

**_I can go with the flow,_ **  
**_But don't say it doesn't matter anymore_ **  
**_I can go with the flow,_ **  
**_Do you believe it in your head?_ **

 

Arrow notched and at the ready, Alec enters the fifth warehouse at the docks, that night, looking for signs of demons or more importantly, Valentine.

‘You know Magnus still has feelings for you’, Izzy whispers from behind him, making Alec stumble a little as he steps around some stacked wooden pallets. Rolling his eyes, he looks back at his sister, ‘Sshhh Izzy, we’re on a mission’. Izzy huffs and steps out from her place behind Alec, ‘Alec this is the fifth warehouse we’ve been too. It’s a dead end…’ Alec gives his sister an annoyed look, before turning back, quickly, hearing the clinking of glass off in a far corner of the warehouse.

‘Rats’, Izzy offers, ‘stop avoiding the question Alec’.

Alec shakes his head and steps forward into the main warehouse space, rolling his eyes again as he ignores his sister, listening for any other sounds.

‘Alec’ he can hear the impatience in her voice now. Alec half turns, stepping in front of his sister, his annoyance at his sister’s conversation written over his face, ‘Firstly, I don’t believe you asked me a question. And secondly, how do you – ‘

‘ALEC!’ Izzy yells, whip already at the ready, but Alec is a second too slow to turn around and move as the ravener demon’s barbed tail slices across his shoulder blade.

 

  
**_It's so safe to play along_ **  
**_Little soldiers in a row_ **  
**_Falling in and out of love_ **  
**_With something sweet to throw away._ **

 

Magnus is woken by loud thumping and yelling at his front door, not even realising he had fallen asleep in his arm chair, glass of red still in his hand.

Rubbing his eyes, Magnus slowly gets up from his chair, putting down his glass on a nearby coffee table.

‘Who dares disturb the High Warlock of Brooklyn at- ‘, Magnus pulls out his phone, seeing the time is 2.30am, ‘at this ungodly hour!’

‘Magnus!’ thumping again, Vaguely, as he gets nearer to the door, Magnus recognises the voice, Isabelle Lightwood.

Opening the door, Magnus is greeted with a sight. Isabelle, bloody and scared barely holding onto an unconscious and bleeding Alec.

‘Oh, thank goodness! Magnus, you must help! Alec has been stung by a ravener demon!’

Magnus ushers them in, ‘You know you have an institute that can help’.

Isabelle struggles to pull Alec in and down onto the closest couch, ‘You were closer, we were scouting out one of the warehouses you told us about when we were attacked’.

Magnus’ brow furrows with worry as he inspects the wound, ‘very well, but it will cost you. Go get a bowl of water and a towel out of the kitchen, while I try heal the wound’.

As Izzy scurries out towards the kitchen, Magnus kneels to get a proper look, pushing away strands of hair from Alec’s pale forehead, ‘my poor Alexander’, he mutters, stroking a finger down his cheek. Leaning in, Magnus presses a kiss to Alec’s forehead, before moving back a little and looking up, locking eyes with Izzy who had come back into the room with a bowl of hot water and a tea towel. Isabelle bites her lip and giving him a small smile, she rounds the couch and comes to sit next to Magnus.  ‘Okay we need to remove his shirt and clean up any blood before I can start’, he instructs. Magnus snaps his fingers to remove Alec’s shirt and after the blood is cleared, Magnus snaps his fingers once more and holding his hand out flat, a spark of blue swirl appears, ‘This might take a while, I may need your strength’.

Izzy nods and takes Magnus’ other hand, ‘anything, just help my brother, please’, her big brown eyes wet with unshed tears. Magnus nods as he moves his hands over Alec’s wound, the blue swirls, shifting and pulling black out of his body, as he tends to the wound, trying to pull out as much venom as he can.

After what seems like hours, Magnus stops, feeling the last of the venom leaving Alec’s body and the wound closing and healing. Magnus wavers a little, sitting back on his heels. He feels a warm hand on his back, reassuring. ‘Thank you’, comes Izzy’s soft voice.

Magnus nods, ‘Give me an hour and I can portal you both back to the institute, but for now, I need a drink’.

Magnus moves on slightly wobbly legs as he heads for the bar to pour himself a drink. He knows that after pulling the portal, he’ll be out like a light for a few hours at least.

He doesn’t hear Izzy come up behind him, ‘I know you didn’t have to do this, knowing…’

Magnus turns, raising an eyebrow, ‘knowing?’ he questions.

‘Magnus… I know how you feel… still feel about Alec’.

Sighing Magnus’ shoulder’s slump, ‘I don’t think you know what you’re talking about Izzy’.

‘Magnus…’

‘I think it’s time you and your brother left’, Magnus replies abruptly, putting down his glass and swirling his arms to create a portal.

‘Goodbye Isabelle’.

Swirling his fingers, Magnus lifts Alec off the couch with magic and through the portal, pursing her lips, Isabelle follows.

 

  
_**But I want something good to die for**_  
 _ **To make it beautiful to live.**_  
 _ **I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.**_

 

Waking up from an almost 20-hour sleep after healing Alec, staggering into his lounge room, Magnus groans at yet another knock at his door. Still too tired to put on the bravado, Magnus walks to his front door in silky cream pyjama bottoms that sit loosely on his hips and a black dressing gown, not tied up, showing the expanse of his well-muscled chest.

‘Alexander’, Magnus breathes as he opens the door, blessed with the slight of the awkward Shadowhunter, looking down at his feet. There is colour back in his pale cheeks, but the dark shadows under his eyes tell that he is still healing. Dressed as always in his trademark uniform of all black, Alec really looks uncomfortable standing at the warlock’s door.

‘Magnus hi, I just wanted to come by myself and thank you for helping me the other night’ Alec replied, his voice matching Magnus’ softness, before he coughs, his gaze moves up from his own feet, to Magnus, noticing his semi clothed attire, the expanse of flesh on show, the pyjama bottoms sitting on those hips he would once- Alec shifting his weight to the other hip, feeling himself getting a little hot at seeing so much of Magnus, mind flicking back to the last time he saw this much of his ex-boyfriend.  Alec clears his throat, crossing his hands behind his back, averting his gaze. He can’t let himself be distracted, ‘You uhh- you didn’t have to help, but you did and the uhh… as acting head of the institute I umm thank you’, he stammered out, biting his lips a little as he gives Magnus a genuine crooked smile, briefly looking him in the eye, before quickly looking away, forgetting himself for a moment.

Magnus smiles, noticing Alec’s discomfort, ‘well I accept, acting head of the institute, Alexander Lightwood’, he teases lightly. This brings a small smile to the Shadowhunters face, before he realises and he swallows and covers it up with a cough, shifting awkwardly again, ‘you uhh- are you okay?’ he asks earnestly, concerned.

Magnus grins, ‘Nothing a 20-hour power nap couldn’t cure’, he replies still smiling, moving back, ‘did you want to come in?’ he offers to Alec.

‘I- uhh’, Alec takes a step forward, before stepping back again, shaking his head, ‘uhh no… thank you, but I should be heading back’.

Magnus nods, ‘yes, I would think the acting head of the New York Institute would be very busy, you look better Alexander, I hope Izzy is taking care of you’, Magnus tilts his head, trying to catch the hazel gaze of his visitor, but he keeps avoiding looking him straight in the eye.  

Alec nods, ‘Uhh yeah she is… and my boyfriend’, he lies, the words just fall out of his mouth before he has a chance to stop it.

‘Oh’ is all Magnus can utter, pressing his lips together, his jaw becoming tight for a second and then like most of his masks, a smile slips over his face and with a raised eyebrow, Magnus nods, moving back across his door way, ‘well I hope he is taking good care of you’, he replies quickly, ‘Now you’ll have to excuse me, I need to get ready. I have clients coming soon, which I have obviously had to put off due to being indisposed’, Magnus’ continues, hand on the door, ready to shut it, ‘oh-oh of course… sorry to have disturbed you and uhh… thank you again’, Alec stammers quickly, taken back by Magnus’ sudden abruptness.

‘You won’t be thanking me when you see my bill’. Magnus smirks as he shuts the door on the Shadowhunter, the smirking falling from his face as soon as the door clicks shut.

 

  
**_Do you believe it in your head?_**  
**_I can go with the flow_**  
**_But don't say it doesn't matter anymore_**  
**_I can go with the flow_**  
**_Do you believe it in your head?_**

 

Alec punches the bag again, hoping the harder he hits out the more he can vent his frustrations. Punching the bag hard enough to really hurt, Alec winces a little as he looks down at his knuckles, blood seeping through the fabric.

Leaning on the bag, Alec stops for a second and closes his eyes, breathing heavy. Maybe if he wishes hard enough, it’ll be yesterday and he can take back what he had said.

Sweat pouring down his bare chest, the knuckles underneath his wraps already red raw and bleeding.

‘Alec’, the words echo across the room as Alec opens his eyes and punches the bag again with a three-hit combo. Hearing the heels click across the training room floor towards him, Alec continues to hit the punching bag, ignoring his sister. ‘Alec’, her voice is more insistent this time. Alec punches the bag again before leaning forward, head on the bag, ‘go away Izzy’ he groans.

‘No, we need to talk’. Alec sighs and punches the bag again, ‘No…’ he punches the bag extra hard, ‘we don’t’, he goes to punch the bag again, but is stopped by his sister holding his arm.

‘Yes, we do brother’.

Alec sighs and turns away from his sister, grabbing a towel from the bench to wipe his face. Draping it over his shoulders, Alec turns on his sister, raising an eyebrow, ‘So…’ he shrugs, holding his hands up, ‘…talk’.

‘You need to go talk to Magnus’, she says bluntly, giving him one of her looks. Isabelle has a way of giving him her these big brown puppy dog eyes, that usually works on him. And usually he’d do anything she asked.

But not this time.

This time, Alec rolls his eyes, ‘I have actually. I thanked him for helping me’. He smirks a little as she falters a little.

‘Was there anything else you wanted to talk to me about… because I’m kind of in the middle of something here’.

‘Did you tell him how you feel?’ she asks cautiously.

Alec rolls his eyes again and huffs, ‘No… I don’t feel anything for him anymore… actually …’ he pulls his towel from off his bare shoulders, ‘I don’t think what you said about Magnus is true Izzy’. Isabelle raises an eyebrow at him, ‘well, if he was in love with me, he didn’t seem to be too devastated when I lied and told him I had a boyfriend… in fact…’ Alec punches the bag, ‘he looked happy for me’.

‘Oh Alec’, she says, voice full of empathy.

‘So, if you don’t mind’. Alec nods towards the door.

Isabelle sighs and turns to walk out of the training room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Twin Rivers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Alec? You okay?’ Alec was jolted out of his reverie by Izzy standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. He hadn’t realised he’d put his own hand up to his face. Mimicking the memory.  
> Quickly closing the folder, Alec pushed his chair back and got up, ‘Of course I am Izzy….’ Alec looked at the clock on the wall, ‘We have a briefing in 10 minutes, make sure you’re ready’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!  
> I keep trying to update more regularly but real life keeps getting in the way.  
> Set after 2x10 but I've skewed a few things, hence why it's an au  
> This fic is unbeta'd so please be nice.  
> This fic will eventually be Explicit - hence the rating.
> 
> Continuing the song fic angst because this is where I like to wallow.
> 
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.
> 
> Chapter title is Twin Rivers by Big Scary, but a lot of the inspiration came also from Big Scary's music video clip Luck Now.  
> Go watch it! 
> 
>  
> 
> Come say hello to me on tumblr - JackPotato

 

 **_Gonna have to wake up_ **  
**_I don't want to have wake up, get up, get changed, game face_ **  
**_I don't wanna have to wake up again this morn_ **

 

Flicking on the harsh light of the bathroom, Alec squints at the sudden brightness as he takes two heavy footsteps towards the basin. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Alec groans as he places his hands on the edge of sink, leaning heavily forward to study his tired face in the mirror. The shadows under his eyes seem to be darker and more etched in this morning, his pallor, paler than usual.

But that’s what happens when you barely sleep.

He barely recognises himself in the mirror these days.

Sighing, Alec leans back again and turns on the cold tap, splashing his face with water, hoping that and the 3 coffees he plans to drink this morning will wake him up.

Towelling dry his face, Alec runs a hand over his jaw, he probably needs to shave, but the motivation just isn’t there.

He should, otherwise Izzy will give him that look and pull him aside and ask him for the umpteenth time if he was okay.

And every time he’ll say he’s fine.

But they both know it’s a lie.

Pulling off his sleep top, Alec catches a glimpse of his parabatai rune on his stomach. Throwing his top into his overflowing laundry basket, Alec rubs the heel of his hand over the rune soothingly.

Alec know Jace can feel it.

It’s not quite like the first time. It’s not as intense as the heart break he felt a few months ago.

This is heart ache, a constant heaviness in his chest.

Then there’s the pulling tightness whenever he’s around.

Alec saw Jace’s slight wince the first time he felt it, the first time he had seen him again since their break up, but like Alec, he’s gotten good at hiding it.

Or maybe they’re just use to it now.

A familiar pull.

Jace did dare question him after, but now he knows better.

Because Alec says he’s okay with him being around. With him working with them now. Seeing him almost daily.

He says he’s okay with it.

But they all know it’s a lie.

 

 **_Gonna have to wake up_ **  
**_I don't want to have wake up, get up, get changed, game face_ **  
**_I don't wanna have to wake up again this morn._ **

 

Magnus groans and turns over as he hears his alarm go off, lazily moving a hand out from under the covers, a spark of magic from his fingertips silencing the wretched thing that disturbed his sleep.

Magnus turns onto his back and stares up at his ceiling as the room is silent once more.

Morning light seeps into the room from cracks in the curtains and he thinks maybe that’s an apt description of his heart.  

The cracks he thought he had successfully sealed up, are now slowly reopening with every time he sees him.

Now there is so many cracks and some new ones, it seems almost futile to try and fill them back up, but every time he tries to fill them, another appears.

Sitting up, black satin covers pooling around his bare middle, Magnus scrubs a hand over his face, running his hand through his thick black hair.

He doesn’t want to get up.

He doesn’t want to face this day.

Suddenly there’s a nudge at his right elbow, and the frown on his face turns into a soft smile as Chairman Meow bumps his head against his hand, asking for pats. Magnus rubs his head, ‘Good morning Chairman’, he says softly. Chairman makes a small noise as he buts Magnus’ hand once more before moving away, trotting down the length of the bed and jumping onto the floor, obviously thinking his owner is going to get up and feed him.

Magnus chuckles a little, but the smile soon fades as he looks over at the clock. In little under 2 hours, he’ll be back at the institute.

With a groan, Magnus gets up and pads to the bathroom, grabbing his black silk robe as he walks past the end of the bed, putting it on and loosely tying it around his middle, barely covering his bare torso and tight black boxer shorts.  

Blinking at the sudden brightness as he switches on the light, Magnus heads to the sink, feeling the weight of the day already on his broad shoulders.

Magnus furrows his brow at his reflection in the mirror, the harsh florescent light making him seem more pale and tired than he actually felt. With a swirl of magic, the bathroom is thrown into a softer, more tungsten light.

The more forgiving light might hide the dark circles under his eyes, but it doesn’t hide the hurt in his eyes.

And it doesn’t hide the hurt he’s caught glimpses of in Alec’s big hazel eyes. Magnus can tell he’s trying to cover it, but it takes one to know one, especially when you’re the one that put that hurt there in the first place.

Splashing his face with warm water, Magnus looks himself over one more time before he glamours his eyes.

Readying himself for the day ahead.

Like a protective shield, he puts up every time he goes to the institute.

Sighing, Magnus leaves and with a flick of the wrist turns the light off.

 

 **_And the conversations so old_ **  
**_We can't even muster a fight_ **  
**_And my body goes cold_ **  
**_When you turn off the bed side light_ **

 

Alec hugs his cup of coffee towards himself as he sits at his desk, the computer in front of him showing various images from places they have investigated. He’s looked at these images hundreds of times, but every time he opens the folder and starts flicking through the images, he hopes this time… will be the time he notices something… anything they can use.

With a sigh, Alec stops the slideshow and closes the folder. He’s about to click out of the whole thing when one folder catches his eye.

It’s simply titled _May_.

Alec can’t remember making the folder, but obviously, he must have. Curiously, clicking open the folder, his breath catches as he sees the first image.

It’s him and Magnus.

A candid photo taken on one of their dates to a local mundane Indian restaurant close to Magnus’ loft in Brooklyn. Alec remembers Magnus got the waiter to take the photo of them after they’d had their meal. The big bright smiles on their faces, his arm, casually slung over the back of Magnus’ chair. Magnus’ hand on Alec’s resting on the table. They’re intertwined fingers.

Alec runs a finger over the image on the screen. He remembers his breath catching at Magnus’ outfit, the tight leather pants and the slightly sheer high necked shirt, his many necklaces around his neck. Alec had absently reached out to grab one without thinking first while they had been waiting for their meal. Magnus had insisted they sat on the same side of the table, much to the waiter’s chagrin. They’d been mid conversation, Magnus half turned towards him, recounting one of his impossible stories when Alec had reached out for the necklace. He had rubbed his thumb over the indented symbol on the silver pendant, unsure of the meaning. It wasn’t until Magnus had spoken that he realised what he had done, ‘Do you like it?’ he had asked in a soft voice. Alec had quickly dropped the necklace, stumbling an apology, but he had been silenced by Magnus’ hand on the side of his face. He still remembers the warmth of his touch. The soft smile on his face.

‘Alec? You okay?’ Alec was jolted out of his reverie by Izzy standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. He hadn’t realised he’d put his own hand up to his face. Mimicking the memory.  

Quickly closing the folder, Alec pushed his chair back and got up, ‘Of course I am Izzy….’ Alec looked at the clock on the wall, ‘We have a briefing in 10 minutes, make sure you’re ready’.

Alec didn’t wait to see the look of empathy on his sister’s face, turning his back on her pretending to gather up some documents.

When he heard, her heels clicking as she walked away, Alec let out at shaky breath.

 

 **_Gonna have to wake up_ **  
**_I don't want to have wake up, get up, get changed, game face_ **  
**_I don't wanna have to wake up again this morn_ **  
**_Gonna have to wake up_ **  
**_I don't want to have wake up, get up, get changed, game face_ **  
**_I don't wanna have to wake up again this morn_ **

 

Magnus ran a ringed finger over the spines of his books, stopping at one, pulling it out and flipping through pages before putting it back. He did this several times before pulling out a particularly heavy book out from the shelf.  A smaller paper back, fell to the ground as he pulled out the thicker, heavier book out of the bookcase. Ignoring the smaller book, Magnus flipped through some pages, a smile spreading over his face as he scanned the pages.  

Shutting the book with a heavy thud, Magnus crouched down to pick up the smaller paperback that had fallen.

Turning it over, Magnus read the cover, _The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde_.

Magnus absently put the heavier book down to thumb through the book, noticing one of the pages had been bend down as if someone was saving the page.

Alexander.

He’d caught Alec reading it one day as he waited for Magnus to get ready. Magnus remembers raising an eyebrow at his choice of book. He’d even offered the book for Alec to borrow, but he had declined, saying he’d have plenty of opportunities to read it as he waited for Magnus to get ready. Magnus had laughed at the dig and then gently kissed his boyfriend on the lips.

2 weeks later, Magnus had broken up with him.

Playing with the down turned page, Magnus sighs heavily as he runs his fingers over the crease in the paper, keeping Alec’s place in the book.

Closing the book, he turns it over in his hands thoughtfully, before putting it back on the shelf.

Magnus picks up the heavier book, the book feeling like it weights 10 times more than it had 5 minutes ago as he turns slowly towards the couch.

Sitting down heavily down on the leather couch, Magnus stares out into the distance, deep in thought.

If only things had been different. Maybe if he allowed himself to trust Alec rather than just assuming the worst, they wouldn’t be here right now.

Magnus sighs heavily, what’s done is done, and now Alec hates him. There’s no way they can come back from his.

 

_**This is my idea of fun  
More is lost and time is won**_

_**I know we can get so...** _

_**We are no old souls** _

_**I know we can resolve this.** _

 

When Magnus gets to the institute’s Op’s centre Alec has his back to him, looking at one of the many screens, pulling up files, reading them, moving them away.

Magnus knew Alec hadn't seen him yet, so he took the opportunity to watch his former lover. Watching as those long fingers moved over the screens, his broad shoulder slightly hunched, from this angle, Magnus can see a hint of a five o’clock shadow on the hunter’s jaw line, and it suits him. Magnus remembers kissing along those broad shoulders, biting at those collar bones, along that jaw. A shiver runs through his body when he remembers how apt those fingers came to stretching him, curling up and finding that sweet spot that made him moan.

Magnus watches as Alec runs a hand through his hair and rub the back of his neck, in what he knows is a nervous, stressed gesture of Alec’s.

‘You know if you take a picture it might last longer’, a low velvety voice says from behind him.  

Magnus almost jumps 10 feet, turning around, a smile on his face, he knows that voice, ‘Isabelle, a pleasant surprise, as always’.

Izzy gives him one of her blinding smiles, the corners of her red painted lips curling up mischievously. Magnus knows she’s plotting something, ‘You know you can go talk to him’ she nudges.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, Magnus replies, keeping his voice light and playful, but Izzy rolls her eyes, ‘honestly Magnus, you might be fooling yourself, but you can’t fool me… neither of you can’. Magnus gives her a confused face, neither of them? Izzy pats his arm, ‘Just….’ She sighs, ‘… just talk to him. You might find you’re on the same page’.

 

 **_And the conversations so old_ **  
**_We can't even muster a fight_ **  
**_And my body goes cold_ **  
**_When you turn off the bed side light_ **

 

Alec half turns away from the screen turning towards the interactive map behind him, his gaze roams briefly over the busy Ops centre, and is stopped by the sight of his sister talking to Magnus.

Alec watches as they talk, the smile on his face and the fluid gestures of his hands.

Magnus looks good as always, kohl rimmed eyes and his trademark necklaces.  

Without even thinking, he’s moving forward towards them, a smile on his face.

 

**_And nothing ever happens  
Will something ever happen_ **

 

Distracted by Izzy, Magnus had not noticed Alec approaching the two of them.

‘Magnus’, Alec addressed him, his time more formal and professional. Izzy, half turning her body away from Alec, gave Magnus a knowing raised eyebrow before putting a hand on his arm and giving it a small squeeze, ‘Good luck’, she adds as she sashayed away.

Alec looked after her confused, before turning back to Magnus looking at him questioningly, Magnus twirled his hand in a dismissive gesture, ‘I have a difficult customer this afternoon’, he lied.

Alec shrugged, seemingly believing Magnus’ explanation, or not really caring, Magnus watches as his demeanour shifts, like he’s remembered himself, putting his hands behind his back in his familiar defence gesture Alec always seemed to adopt whenever they speak, ‘You have some more information?’ he queried, getting straight back to business.

Magnus raises an eyebrow at his before tapping the heavy book in his hand, ‘I may have some more intel, you did say to come directly to you first’.

Alec tries to hide the smile that threatens to break his serious demeanour, ‘Yes, of course…. Well?’

Magnus can’t help his lips curling a little at Alec’s answer and then looks behind Alec indicating to the other Shadowhunters, ‘Can we talk somewhere more private?’

 

 **_Gonna have to wake up_ **  
**_I don't want to have wake up, get up, get changed, game face_ **  
**_I don't wanna have to wake up again this morn_ **

 

Magnus was not checking out Alexander’s ass as he followed him into his office.

Opening the door to his office he walks in and sits behind the huge wooden desk. Magnus follows, shutting the heavy wooden door behind him. He takes in his surrounds, the room not much different from when his parents were running the institute, but he does notice some of the small touches, like photos of him, Jace, Isabelle and Max. Some of the photos and of course his bow and arrow.

Alec put his hands on the desk, clasping them in front of him.

Magnus puts the heavy book down on the desk with a thud.

‘I found this book…’ Magnus starts, ‘there’s some interesting information here about the mortal instruments’.  

Alec looks at Magnus as he flips through some pages, and then stops before flipping through some more. Getting up and moving around the desk, Alec leans over Magnus’ shoulder as he finally stops on the page.

Reading over the page, his eyes widened as he reads through the information, turning his head towards Magnus, Alec says in a hushed voice, ‘Magnus, this could change…’ at the same time, Magnus turns towards Alec.

Alec stops realising they’re only millimetres apart.

 

  
**_Gonna have to wake up_**  
**_I don't want to have wake up, get up, get changed, game face_**  
**_I don't wanna have to wake up again this morn_**

  

Without thinking Alec leans in and kisses Magnus.

He almost sighs as he feels Magnus’ warm lips against his.

But the kiss soon turns more intense, a tongue swiping over the seam of his lips, asking for permission and then it’s almost like a flood gate opens.

Tongues twining, hands grasping on arms, shoulders, backs of necks, trying to hold onto anything.

It was only because he was running out of air, that he broke the kiss, pulling back.

Seeing Magnus’ ruffled hair, slightly dilated pupils, wet red lips, that Alec realised what he had just done.

The panic he’s feeling is written all over his face, just as much as the surprise is written all over Magnus’

There is a pregnant pause as they both take in what just happened, breathing heavily.

It’s Magnus who finally breaks the silence, eyes still wide with surprise. His tongue running over his wet slicked lips.

‘Alexander?’

 


	5. Would you fight for my love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary stood, watching Alec pace for a second before standing herself and moving slowly towards Alec, gently putting a hand on his arm, stopping him mid pace, ‘Then what happened?’ she asked, her voice soft.  
> Alec half turns towards Clary, panic flickering over his face, ‘he left, he just… left’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 2x10 but I've skewed a few things, hence why it's an au  
> This fic is unbeta'd so please be nice.  
> This chapter has some sexy times so it's definitely NSFW.  
> I'm so sorry this has taken so song - been a little bit distracted by the last few episodes of Shadowhunters! 
> 
> Continuing the song fic angst because this is where I like to wallow.
> 
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.
> 
> Chapter title is Would you fight for my love? - Jack White
> 
> Come say hello to me on tumblr - JackPotato

_**It's not enough that I love you** _  
_**There's all these things I have to prove to you** _  
_**You use the sun to erase the past** _  
_**But you think it only erases for you** _

 

Alec isn’t sure how long he’s been sitting at his desk with his head in his hands, but he knows it’s long enough for his hands to finally stop shaking.

Even when he hears a quiet knock at his door, Alec doesn’t lift his head.

The door creaks open and a small voice asks, ‘Alec?’, and that’s when he lifts his head.

‘You okay?’ Alec sighs heavily and tries to nod at Clary poking her head through the door. ‘Yeah’, he replies shakily, as Clary steps further into the room, ‘Yeah... umm I’m okay’. Clary raises a questioning eyebrow, ‘I thought I saw Magnus leaving…’ she starts, before noticing the look on his face. Alec drops his gaze, covering his mouth and digging his fingers in a little trying to compose himself before he meets Clary’s gaze again. 

Dropping his hands from his face to clasp them in front of him, Alec tries his best to smile, to cover his pain, ‘It’s… I’m okay, did you need me for something?’ Clary moves further into the room, sitting down in the leather chair in front of his desk, obviously not fooled by Alec’s poor attempt to cover it. Clary levels her gaze with Alec, before shrugging, ‘I thought, there might be more intel, but uhh… you’re obviously not okay. You look really pale… did you and Magnus fight?’

Alec can’t help rolling his eyes at the red head, she always has a knack for getting into things that wasn’t her business. It was like a secret power, using her charm to get information out of people.

And it always worked.

‘No… we didn’t…’ Alec runs a hand through his thick back hair and rubs his neck, ‘Actually the opposite, we uhhh…’ Alec licks his lips, he can’t believe he’s telling Clary this, ‘we… umm… kissed’.

After all the trust issues and hesitation after they first met, the bond between Alec and Clary has improved, he almost sees her like a sister. An annoying sister that keeps getting herself into trouble, but a little sister nonetheless.

Alec sighs when he sees Clary’s blatant surprise, her comically opened mouth, wide eyed look would almost be funny, if it wasn’t for the situation.

Alec’s chair scraping on the floor boards, pulled Clary out of her surprised state. Standing and moving towards the fire place, Alec paced, ‘I don’t know what happened… one moment we’re talking… and the next…’ Alec shook his head, rubbing at the back of his neck once again.

Clary stood, watching Alec pace for a second before standing herself and moving slowly towards Alec, gently putting a hand on his arm, stopping him mid pace, ‘Then what happened?’ she asked, her voice soft.

Alec half turns towards Clary, panic flickering over his face, ‘he left, he just… left’.

 

 _**Well I'm afraid of being hurt that's true** _  
_**But I'm not afraid of any physical pain** _  
_**Just as I am always scared of water** _  
_**But not afraid of standing out in the rain** _

 

Magnus paces back in forth in front of his balcony windows.

Rubbing his thumb and forefinger together on his right hand as he paces.

He left….

Alec _kissed_ him and he just… left.

Why did he do that?

Isn’t that what he wanted?

Magnus shakes his head, swallowing hard, his jaw flexes, his body like a tensely coiled spring. With a flick of his wrist, conjures a neat whiskey in his hand, drinking it down in one gulp.

The only thing he can think of to release some of the tension.

Magnus turned back towards the windows.

He. Just. Left.

He’s been aching for this ever since he started back helping the Shadowhunters in finding Valentine. Watching every lick of his lips, every raised eyebrow, every movement of those long fingers.

And yet when he thought it could be possible. When he realised that maybe… just maybe Alec might be feeling the same. That he still wanted him.

He ran away.

Because he was _scared_.

Really, if Magnus thought about it… not that he wanted to… he’s been hoping that maybe… just maybe, there was a flicker of hope that Alec would still want him.

He wouldn’t blame Alec for hating him.

He was pretty sure Alec did at their first meeting.

But then he saw it… in the reflection of one of the monitors.

Alec watching him… wanting him.

Pursing his lips, Magnus walked over to his bar and poured himself another drink. This new area of though definitely required more alcohol.

After fixing his drink, Magnus picked it up and the rest of the bottle before moving out onto his balcony.

The cold wind of the coming Autumn whipped the tails of his coat as he absently placed the bottle down on the table as he walked past it.

Dusk was falling over the city and Magnus swirled his drink as he leaned on the balcony wall, watching the lights slowly turning on as the sun slowly sunk into the horizon.

Being scared wasn’t a new concept for Magnus. He’d been protecting his heart for more than a century now.

Not until Alec anyway.

And that Shadowhunter… Just had a way of getting under his defences. Getting behind those carefully crafted walls he’d built around his heart.

It was only when he realised how close Alec was, that Magnus broke up with him.

When he’d heard, Alec say those words.

It was too much.

He wasn’t ready to open his heart up to anyone.

Especially not to a Shadowhunter, of all people.

He thought Alec would hurt him. That as a leader, Alec would choose his own kind over him.  

And that would break Magnus’ heart.

And yet it was him who had run away.

He had hurt Alexander.

He had broken Alec’s heart.

Because he was scared.

 

 _**The last person in the room he hurt** _  
_**Was the person that he loved the most** _  
_**Nobody noticed I was down on the rug** _  
_**I'm getting better at becoming a ghost** _

 

Magnus was deep in thought when his phone rang.

Pulled out of his reverie, he looked over to the coffee table, where his phone vibrated against the glass.

He didn’t even remember moving back inside, noticing the empty bottle next to his phone as he picked it up.

Magnus bit his lip as he saw the name that flashed on his screen.

_Alexander_

Magnus’ finger wavered over the answer button as he listened to his phone ring.

Should he just let it ring out?

Should he answer it?

What would he say?

Magnus chewed on his lip as he agonised over whether to answer the call.

And then it was silent.

 

_**I know that you want more** _   
**_But would you fight for my love?  
And I’ve hurt you before  
But can you ignore my love?_ **

 

‘So, what are you going to do about it?’ Clary demanded, sitting back down in the leather chair on the opposite side of the desk, pushing errand strands of her red hair behind her shoulders before resting her hands in her lap.

Alec, who had stopped pacing to sit down, rubbed a small scar on his wrist as he sat back down at his desk. He looked up at the red head confused.

‘He obviously wants you back’, she stated bluntly, ‘so what are you going to do?’

Alec shook his head, ‘it’s not as easy as that…’ he stammered. Because it wasn’t, there was months of hurt and anger built up, plus how sure was he that Magnus wanted him back? It could have just been just an instinctual reaction, habit.

And that’s why he left.

‘You love him, right?’

Alec huffed, and shifted uncomfortably in his chair at Clary’s question and her green eyes, focused on him intently. As much as he cared for her, sometimes he felt like the Lightwood bluntness had rubbed off on Clary a little too much.

‘Well…’ Alec furrowed his brow, ‘it’s not as easy as that’, he repeated, his words coming out as more of an excuse than a statement. Alec knew it was, because yes, he did love Magnus. But after last time, Alec wasn’t going to lay his heart on the line again.

He was thankful he hadn’t told Magnus he loved him the first time.

‘It is…’ Clary cut him off, ‘If you love him, you need to fight for that love. You need to tell him’.

Alec sighed, rubbing the scar on his wrist again, before looking up at the red head.

‘Shouldn’t you be taking your own advice?’ he replied with a lifted eyebrow, instantly regretting the words as they slipped out of his mouth. His snark almost instinctual. Clary and Jace’s relationship at the moment, was tumultuous to say the least. After they had found out they weren’t brother and sister AND Clary had kissed Jace in the Seelie court, the tension between those two was thick. 

Clary’s shoulders stiffened and she bit her lip, raising her chin at Alec’s words, ‘Probably’, she replied after a moment, standing up and turning to leave, ‘But sometimes it’s easier to give advice than to follow it’.

Alec watched as she headed for the door, ‘Clary’ he said finally, as she pulled open the heavy wooden door about to leave. Clary stopped and half turned, ‘Thank you’, he added, his voice soft. Clary nodded, giving him a tense half smile before leaving the room and closing the door softly behind her.

Sighing, Alec picked up his phone.

 

 _**No walking out my back door** _  
_**Looking back for my love** _  
_**I know that you want more** _  
_**But would you fight for my love?** _

 

Thumbing through his contacts, Alec stopped at Magnus’ name.

His finger lingered over the call button for what seemed like ages before he closed his eyes and pressed.

Holding the phone up to his ear Alec listened to it ring and ring, knowing Magnus wouldn’t pick up.

As he listened to the call ring out, Alec’s heart dropped.

He thought Magnus might have still felt the same way.

While the kiss wasn’t planned, he thought he felt…  

Alec squeezed his eyes shut as the call went straight to voicemail.

Sighing, Alec almost hung up, but hearing the beep, something compelled him to talk.

‘Uhh, Magnus, it’s Alec’. Alec scrunched his face, wincing at his own words, ‘Can you call me back, uhh… we… uhh… I need you to come to the institute. We have some new intel’. He lied, before quickly pressing the end button.

Face palming, Alec threw his phone onto his desk.

Why did he just do that?

 

….

 

Magnus looked at the flashing notification that said he had a new voicemail. He really didn’t want to listen to it. He didn’t want to hear Alec’s voice. Hear that heart break once again.

Clicking the voicemail button, Magnus reluctantly held the phone up to his ear. Taking a deep breath as Alec’s voice filled his ears.

He could hear the stammer. The stumbling that was Alec’s nervous tell.

Even so, the call was all business.

New intel apparently.

Magnus sighed and ended the voicemail. Keeping the recorded message as he had all of Alec’s other messages.

Looking at the time on his phone, Magnus realised it was way past midnight.

His visit to the Institute would have to wait until morning.

Dragging his weary body towards his bedroom, Magnus half smiled as Chairman Meow yawned at him from his spot on Magnus’ bed, before dropping his little head on his paws again and wrapping his fluffy tail around him, ‘Yeah I know…’ Magnus murmured to the cat as he turned on the bathroom light.

Taking off his makeup and turning off the bathroom light, Magnus flicked his wrist, changing into his PJ’s.

As soon as his head it the pillow Magnus was fast asleep.

 

 

 _**People do their best to not let passion begin** _  
_**It’s dead before it has a chance to start** _  
_**If so then I am, the caretaker of sins** _  
_**And your abandoned and malignant heart** _

 

The feeling of lips on his neck, moving down his body, making him gasp. Lips moving down his body, sucking his nipples. Magnus lifts his head, moving his hand down to grasp dark strains. Hazel eyes met his as the lips move further down his naked body. Sucking marks on his hips, biting skin as whispered hands over his inner thighs, ghosting over his balls, as his lips moved closer to where he wants them.

Fingers exploring as Magnus throws his head back at the first feeling of tongue licking down his cock.

The first slick finger presses on his hole, as Magnus feels lips capture over the head of his cock, licking and sucking a little, making it hard for him to supress the moans coming out of his mouth. And then the lips disappear and Magnus lifts his head just in time to watch as his dick disappears into his lover’s mouth. The tight wet heat distracting him from the finger pressing in, past the first tight ring of muscle.

‘Oh shit…’ he moans as the finger works slowly in tandem with the mouth, moving up… and down… as the finger moves in… and out….

‘Oh Alexander….’

 

Magnus woke with a jolt, sitting upright in bed.

Well… that was a vivid dream.

Magnus sighed and closed his eyes for a second, whispers of his dream flashing back before his eyes.

Sighing, he opened his eyes and looking over at his alarm clock, Magnus realised he was running late.

With a groan, Magnus flopped back onto his pillow, trying to ignore the other issue of waking with a morning wood, most likely from his dream.

Dramatically throwing back the covers, Magnus got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

This was not the type of start to his day, he needed when he was going to see Alexander in less than 2 hours.

 

 _**It's such a pleasure to sing with you together** _  
_**Making love when there is nobody home** _  
_**But I can't kiss you till you lift up your chin** _  
_**You have to want to stop being alone** _

 

‘Magnus! Wait!’ Alec called after the warlock, jogging after him as he watched Magnus walk out of the Institutes doors.

Alec caught up with Magnus just outside the doors on the front steps. Putting a hand on his arm, ‘Magnus…’

Magnus turned around to face him, his lips tensing as he saw it was Alec, ‘Alexander’, he replied, ‘and what can I do for you?’ keeping his voice polite and light, despite the turmoil going on in his head and his heart. But then again it was easy to slip on that mask, it was almost like a second skin to him now. 

‘We…we need to talk’, Alec replied, dropping his hand from Magnus’ arm.

Magnus raised a questioning eyebrow, ‘about yesterday…’ Alec offered, a little incredulous that Magnus even had to question what they had to talk about.

‘Well, it’s not about some intel you apparently got me to come here at this godly hour for’, he sniffed, before pursing his lips, ‘as for yesterday… I think we can put that down to a lapse in judgement, can’t we? Now if you’ll excuse…’

Alec grabbed the lapels of Magnus’ jacket and pulled him in for a bruising kiss, it only took Magnus a second before he was moving his hands to grasp the back of Alec’s neck, the other on his arm.

Opening his mouth, Alec deepened the kiss, licking at the bottom of Magnus’ lip before darting his tongue inside. Magnus let out a small groan, copying Alec’s movement, fingers dividing into Alec’s thick black hair and pulling slightly as the two continued to kiss like their lives depended on it. 

As the two parted, resting their foreheads together as they tried to catch their breath, Alec dared to open his eyes at the warlock, only to be met with Magnus’ dark eyes, looking just as he felt.

‘Well…’ Magnus breathed, ‘I do like your idea of talking Alexander…’ Magnus pulled back slightly, his hand moving down Alec’s neck to the middle of his back. The movement making Alec shiver slightly.

Licking his lips, Alec smiled at Magnus, ‘I needed to do something that got your attention’.

‘Well… you definitely have it…’ Magnus chuckled, his nervousness obvious, ‘So… yesterday…’ he starts, ignoring the hammering in his chest.

Alec nodded, letting go of the lapels of Magnus’ jacket, sliding his hand down to take Magnus’ in his.

‘I… ‘Alec closed his eyes for a second, summoning up the last of his courage, ‘I love you Magnus’. 

Magnus’ breath is almost taken out of him. He’d heard these words from Alec before but, having him standing in from of him like this, baring his heart to Magnus… it’s almost too much to bare. That is until he opens his mouth.

‘I love you too Alexander’.

 

**_I want you to fight for my love_ **

 

When Magnus moves his hand out of Alec’s, Alec shakes his head, ‘No…no… no’ he stammers, eyes filling with tears as Magnus purses his lips and turns to leave, but Alec grabs his arm before he has a chance to escape, ‘No Magnus, you don’t get to do this again… you can’t just say you love me back and then walk out of here’.

Magnus is half turned towards Alec who is still holding his arm, his lips are still pursed, jaw clenched. He is trying very hard to stay in control. He hadn’t meant to tell Alec he loved him back, it had just slipped out. Magnus gives Alec a side eye, without meeting his gaze. He can tell from the waver in Alec’s voice, when it goes up an octave, that if he met his gaze it would all be over.

‘Magnus, whatever it is that’s holding you back, that stopped you last time… I’m… I want to work through it, with you. We can… I know we can. We have before… I love you, and I want to make this work’.

Magnus licks his lips as he bows his head, not saying anything.

‘I’m going to fight for this Magnus, I just want to know if you will too’.

 

 


	6. Now or never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘I’m done Magnus’, he says without moving, ‘I will not bother you again’.  
> Magnus’ own words thrown back at him sting as he watches the man he loves disappear back into the Institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken so long!!  
> I've had a lot of personal stuff going on!
> 
> This has been un beta'd so be kind! 
> 
> The chapter's title is from the Halsey song - "Now or Never"  
> Fic title is from the London Grammer song - "Wasting my Young Years".

**_I don't wanna fight right now_ **   
**Know you always right, now**   
**Know I need you 'round with me**   
**But nobody waitin' 'round with me**   
**Been through the ups**   
**Yeah the ups and the downs with me**   
**Got a whole lot of love**   
**But you don't wanna spread it 'round with me, yeah**

 

‘I…’

Magnus is never one to be lost for words but right now… his mouth feels like it’s filled with cotton wool. He knows that if he lifts his head and looks into those big hazel eyes, any fight he had left in him would be lost.

He isn’t even sure why he’s fighting anymore.

‘Magnus…’ that voice, the heart break is clear in his voice. The bitter resolve creeping in around the edges. The realisation that Magnus isn’t going to fight.

And then the hand drops from Magnus’ arm.

‘Just… go’.

And that’s when Magnus lifts his head, just in time to see Alec turn and leave.

‘Alexander’, the words come out hoarse.  

Alec pauses. His broad shoulders stiffen and hunch at the mention of his name.

‘I’m done Magnus’, he says without moving, ‘I will not bother you again’.

Magnus’ own words thrown back at him sting as he watches the man he loves disappear back into the Institute.

 

  ** _Never pick up, never call me_**  
 ** _You know we're runnin' out of time_**  
 ** _Never pick up when you want me_**  
 ** _Now I gotta draw a line_**  
 ** _Baby I done, done enough talking_**  
 ** _Need to know that you're mine_**  
 ** _Baby we done, done enough talking_**  
 ** _Gotta be right now, right now_**

 

Magnus has been toying with his phone for about an hour now, or enough time to drink at least 5 neat whiskeys.

With a sigh, he hits the call button again.

After about 3 rings a familiar stoic voice fills the room, ‘you’ve called Alec Lightwood, Head of the New York Institute. I can’t answer the phone right now but you can leave a message after the beep’.

Magnus closes his eyes as he leaves yet another message on Alec’s voicemail, ‘Alec… it’s Magnus… look…’ He rubs his forehead with the hand holding the whiskey, ‘Please call me back. I… we need to talk… I… Alexander I Love…’ BEEEP!

Magnus is cut off by the voicemail, with a frustrated groan, Magnus throws his phone across the room.

He knows this is his fault. If only he’d said something… told Alec…

 _You need to try better than that old boy_ , a crisp British accent says from the arm chair opposite, where he’d thrown his phone.

‘Ragnor!’ Magnus grins at his old friend, putting down his whiskey and moving to sit on the edge of his seat, ‘I thought you’d...’

Ragnor chuckles, _So did I old friend,… but then you got yourself into this again and…_ He shrugs.

Magnus groans, ‘I only ever see you when my love life is crap’.

_Yeah well, it’s no picnic for me either. I thought I told you to go after that boy?_

‘I did’, Magnus drops his head in his hands, ‘But I broke it off…’ Magnus words slightly muffled by his hands. Magnus lifts his head to look sincerely at the figment of his old friend in front of him, ‘because it won’t work, Ragnor’.

Ragnor chuckles, _well that’s a load of bullturd if I ever heard any… you never were good at lying my dear, especially to me._

Magnus raises an eyebrow at Ragnor, who doesn’t look any different to last time he visited, ‘I’m very good at lying thank you’, Magnus replies indignantly, “I kept from you that boy that time we were in Venice’.

Ragnor chuckles again and shakes his head, _I knew all about that my dear. Now… stop avoiding. If this boy loves you. What are you afraid of Magnus?_

‘I…’ Magnus stops for a second, what was he afraid of?

Ragnor sees the realisation on the other Warlock’s face, _See?… there you go… Love doesn’t come easy Magnus, it comes with sacrifice_. _You of all people should know that._

Magnus sighs and picks up his whiskey glass, draining it completely, “I don’t want to go through that pain again”.

_I thought we’d gone through this already. Alec isn’t Camille, Magnus. He isn’t going to betray you. I thought you realised that by now. He’d sacrifice everything for you._

Magnus’ head jolts up, surprised, “how do you know that? As soon as it gets too hard… As soon as the Clave tells him… he’ll leave me. I… I don’t think I could bare that Ragnor…” Magnus gets up and heads towards the bar, filling his glass up once more.

He hears Ragnor chuckle softly, _I’ve seen the way he looks at you, old friend, he loves you. You need to give the boy more credit._

Magnus’ shoulder’s drop and his dead friend’s words.

_I think the question is more, are you willing to sacrifice every for him? Are you willing to fight for him?_

Magnus turns back around to face his friend, only to be met with an empty room.

 

**_Baby gon' love me now, now, now, now, now, now_ **   
**_Now or never, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_I want you to hold me down, down, down, down, down, down_ **   
**_Down forever, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_Said you know I wanna keep you around_ **   
**_'Round forever, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_I want you to love me now, now, now, now, now, now_ **   
**_Now or never_ **

 

Magnus toyed with the phone in his hands. He knew if he called again it was going to go straight to voicemail. He knew he had to see Alec.

There was no way Alec was going to answer his call.

Not after last time.

Alec had said he was done.

And it looked like this time he really was.

Magnus had his last chance… and he had blown it.

Ragnor’s words echoed in his head, _are you willing to fight for him?_

Yes.

Yes, he was.

This was different. What he had with Alec was different.

And he was going to fight for it.

Tapping on his phone, he pressed the call button.

And waited.

 

**_I'm turnin' off the light right now_ **   
**_I'm callin' it a night now_ **   
**_Wishin' you were 'round with me_ **   
**_But you're in a different town than me_ **   
**_We've been through it all_ **   
**_But you could never spit it out for me_ **   
**_Tryna talk to a wall_ **   
**_But you could never tear it down for me, yeah_ **

 

Alec came back into his room from the shower, towel slung low on his pale narrow hips. It had been a tough day, 2 more demon attacks and 3 more messages from Magnus.

Every one Alec hadn’t answered. Every one he had deleted without listening to.

Dropping the towel and dressing in sleep pants and a singlet, Alec picked up his phone with a sigh, tapping at the screen, his call history of missed calls came up.

Today it had been 4 missed calls and 3 voicemails.

So many times, he had wanted to answer.

So many times, he had wanted to listen to the messages.

But he had to be strong.

As if by habit now, Alec went through his camera roll on his phone, looking at old photos.

He had given Magnus many chances and he’d brushed him off every time.

He really should delete these photos. All they do is cause Alec pain. Remembering back to better times.

He wasn’t just going to drop everything and come running back to him.

Not this time.

Alec had been hurt too many times.

Alec tapped on a photo he’d sneakily taken of Magnus sleeping. It was only of his sleeping face. But the relaxed and serene look on the Warlock’s bare face was just beautiful. The morning sun, casting all the right shadows across his face.

Alec’s thumb hovered over the little rubbish bin, ready to delete it.

As if through some sort of weird coincidence, Magnus’ name flashed up on his screen as an incoming call.

Alec watched as his phone kept ringing.  

And ringing.

Until it rung out.

Alec dropped his phone on his bed and squeezed his eyes shut.

And then he heard it.

The tone to say he had a new voicemail.

Slowly Alec opened his eyes and picked up his phone.

Tapping his phone a couple of times, Alec held his phone up to his ear and closed his eyes once more, hand over his face as as he listened.

 

**_Never pick up, never call me_ **   
**_You know we're runnin' out of time_ **   
**_Never pick up when you want me_ **   
**_Now I gotta draw a line_ **   
**_Baby I done, done enough talking_ **   
**_Need to know that you're mine_ **   
**_Baby we done, done enough talking_ **   
**_Gotta be right now, right now_ **

 

Yet again the call rung out to voicemail again.

When the beep sounded again, Magnus closed his eyes, “Alec… I… I’m sorry. Alec… So sorry. I love you. I want to try. I…” Magnus ran a hand through his hair, “I’m going to come see you tomorrow. Please”.

Magnus pressed the end button and dropping his phone in his lap.

 

**_Baby gon' love me now, now, now, now, now, now_ **   
**_Now or never, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_I want you to hold me down, down, down, down, down, down_ **   
**_Down forever, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_Said you know I wanna keep you around_ **   
**_'Round forever, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_I want you to love me now, now, now, now, now, now_ **   
**_Now or never_ **

 

It was 3am when he was shaken awake, “Magnus!”

Bleary eyes, Magnus cracked open his eyes. He hadn’t realised he had fallen asleep on his couch, yet again.

“Magnus wake up, we have to leave!” The owner of the voice becoming more recognisable as he was shaken into consciousness.

“Dot? W-what on earth?” Magnus was now a little bit more awake, rubbing his eyes. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the couch. Groaning, Magnus watched as Dot paced the room. He’d kill for a coffee or a whiskey right now. Putting his phone down on the coffee table, Magnus slowly stood up, trying to take in what Dot was saying.

That’s when Magnus noticed there was blood on her top and on her hands.

“There’s been an attack… Elliot… Elliot is dead… Magnus we have to go. I’m next”.

Magnus ran a hand over his face, ‘Elliot…” he murmured, trying to place the Warlock Dot was talking about.

“He killed himself. Magical suicide. Magnus… they went after him at the bookshop. Valentine. To get the Mortal Mirror”.

Dot stopped in front of him and grabbed both his arms, “Magnus…please…. I can’t…” Dot pleaded, biting her lip, “I can’t be captured by him again. I have to protect the mirror”.

Dot let go of one of Magnus’ arms and held out her own arm, baring the tattoo on her wrist that had now appeared.

Magnus looked down at the tattoo, he knew what it symbolised. Valentine couldn’t get his hands on the Mortal Mirror. More importantly, he couldn’t get his hands-on Dot. Looking back up at her face, Magnus could see that Dot was terrified. He nodded.

“We’ll go to one of my safe houses”.

Without a word, Magnus swirled his arms, a portal coming to life.

“I hear Paris is lovely this time of year” he said with a small smile, holding out his hand to take Dot’s, before they both stepped into the portal.

 

**_Yeah, draw the line up_ **   
**_Don't take no more time up, yeah_ **   
**_Make your mind up_ **   
**_I need you to make your mind up, yeah_ **   
**_Draw the line up_ **   
**_Don't take no more time up, yeah_ **   
**_Baby you gotta decide something_ **   
**_Let me know_ **

 

Alec had waited for Magnus. And waited…

And when he didn’t turned up, Alec had gotten angry.

How dare he leave a message like that and not turn up!

Angrily, Alec picked up his phone and pressed the redial button and waited.

And waited.

The phone going to voicemail.

Alec angrily threw his phone down on his desk.

There was however something in the back of his mind.

An uneasy feeling.

Why would he not answer? Why leave that message and then not turn up?

This feeling intensified when he called the next day and yet again it rang out to voicemail.

Surely, he can’t be avoiding him?

Getting up and heading to the armoury Alec grabbed his bow and quivers, running his stele over the quivers to mark them.

“Alec? Where are you going?” Izzy stood in the doorway, eying him suspiciously.

“Magnus” he replied, not looking up, strapping on a thigh holster with a seraph blade just for good measure.  

“What’s wrong?” She asked, stepping further into the room. Her voice now showing concern.  

Grabbing his bow, Alec finally looked up at his sister, “hopefully nothing, but I’ve… I’ve just got this feeling Izz”.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Izzy asked, Alec shook his head, “it’s probably nothing, I won’t be long” He replied, putting a hand on his sister’s arm, “Can you cover for me?” he asked. Izzy nodded, putting her on hand on his, before letting go, watching as he moved past her and headed out to Magnus’ Loft.

 

**_Baby gon' love me now, now, now, now, now, now_ **   
**_Now or never, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_I want you to hold me down, down, down, down, down, down_ **   
**_Down forever, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_Said you know I wanna keep you around_ **   
**_'Round forever, hey, hey, hey_ **   
**_I want you to love me now, now, now, now, now, now_ **   
**_Now or never_ **

 

Letting himself into Magnus’ loft with the key he’d been given months ago, but had forgotten to give back, Alec hesitantly walked through the big heavy black door.  “Magnus?” he called out tentatively, as he knew he really shouldn’t be here, or at least letting himself in. But that nagging feeling hadn’t gone… that feeling you get in your chest. That feeling that something was really wrong.

And drastic things called for drastic measures.

Even such things as using the key, (he should have given back) to his ex-lover’s loft to check and see if he was okay.  

Cautiously walking into the main room, Alec stopped, touching his shoulder automatically, his quivers appearing, bow at the ready in his left hand.

The place was a mess. Like someone had ransacked it.

“Magnus?” He called out again, this time stepping more cautiously into the main space.

Then suddenly there was a movement to his left, knocking the quiver, Alec was ready and about to release the arrow “Come out!” he called, when a figure stepped out from the shadows, “Dios! What are you doing here?”

Alec relaxed as Raphael, appeared, dropping his bow by his side, “What are you doing here?”

Raphael smirked, “I could ask you the same question Shadowhunter”.

“Where’s Magnus?” Alec demanded, stepping forward.

“Again… you are rather predictable little Shadowhunter”, Raphael, replied dryly, “but…” noticing Alec’s demeanour, “To answer your question, I think I’m here for the same reason you are. I haven’t heard from Magnus in a couple of days… which as you know, is odd for him”.

Alec looked around the room, before pulling out his phone and pressing a button. A muffled ring could be heard. Following the sound, Alec pulled up one the over turned arm chairs and pulled out Magnus’ smashed phone.

He turned to Raphael to show him, Raphael’s mirth suddenly turned to worry, “He never leaves anywhere without his phone”, he muttered.

“What happened here Raphael? Where’s Magnus?”

 

 

 


	7. Yellow Flicker Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael shakes his head, trying to move, ‘Magnus-’he croaks, ‘They’ve got him…’  
> Magnus’ eyes widen, fingers paused, ‘They’ve got Alec’, Raphael finishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly... I am SO SORRY this has taken so long.  
> I've had terrible writers block with this.  
> But it looks like things have come back!!  
> Also warning there are mentions of slight torture (it's pretty tame) and blood just in case it triggers anyone. 
> 
> As per normal this fic is unbeta'd  
> Chapter title is from Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde.  
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years by London Grammar.  
> Come say hello on tumblr :)

**I’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm**  
**And the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold**  
**My blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones**  
**It keeps my veins hot, the fires find a home in me**

 

‘What-’ It only takes Magnus a moment to realise something is definitely not right, as he steps through the portal into his loft. Scanning the chaotic mess that was his loft, the upturned chairs, broken coffee table _, I liked that coffee table_ Magnus laments briefly as he tentatively steps forward, lips pursed as he continues to survey the mess, his foot crunching on some broken glass as he takes another step forward.

‘Magnus… what’, Dot says from behind him, quickly Magnus holds up a hand to silence her.

He thought he heard…

After another moment, Magnus hears it again. A faint groan.

Half turning, Magnus indicates for Dot to wait where she is, holding his finger up in a quiet gesture as he moves towards the sound.

Magnus raises a hand, blue swirls of magic already appearing as he moves towards the groan, not sure if the owner of the noise is friend or foe.

As Magnus moves towards the back corner of the living room, underneath his upturned chaise lounge is a pair of familiar feet. With a flick of his wrist the chair is moved.

‘Raphael!’ Magnus exclaims, moving towards his old friend, noticing the purple welt around his eye and the red lines that criss-cross his face.

Raphael opens his one good eye at his friend, ‘Mag-’he croaks, trying to move.

Magnus shakes his head, holding his hands up, ‘Shhhh… don’t talk, let me’ Magnus’ fingers already sparking blue.

Raphael shakes his head, trying to move, ‘Magnus-’he croaks, ‘They’ve got him…’

Magnus’ eyes widen, fingers paused, ‘They’ve got Alec’, Raphael finishes.

  
**I move through town, I’m quiet like a fire  
And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie it**

**And our people talk to me, but nothing ever hits  
So people talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes**

**I’m going in (ooh)**

 

Looking over the monitor, Izzy bites her bottom lip, it’s been way too long since her brother had left

Just as she picks her phone up to leave yet another message, the lights flash red across the command room, the alert noise sounding, looking over the monitors, Izzy can’t quite believe what she’s seeing. Eyebrows furrowed as she moves quickly across the room, Jace and Clary quickly by her side as she heads towards the front entrance. ‘What’s happening?’ Jace asks, side stepping as a Shadowhunter goes flying by, hitting a wall and crumpling to the floor. That’s when she notices the other two already on floor nearby.

Before Izzy can answer they’re stepping into the entrance hall and are almost met with a whirl of blue, ‘Magnus!’ She yells at the figure.

Magnus steps forward, cat eyes gleaming, his hands still swirled with blue, an orb nearly misses her and Jace has to duck to avoid it hitting him in the head.

‘Magnus! Stop it’s Izzy!’ she calls again, waiting a second before she sees him pause, lowering his hands.

‘Magnus… what’s going on?’ She asks surprised, this wasn’t like Magnus at all. Something must have happened because it wasn’t like him to burst into the Institute all guns blazing like this.

Magnus’ eyes flicker to Jace who is lowering his seraph blade.

‘Magnus!’, Izzy calls again, stepping forward, trying to get the warlock to focus back on her. After a moment, Magnus’ eyes flicker back to brown, ‘Sorry for the rather dramatic entrance, but it seems you still have a few uneducated Shadowhunters’, he quips, unapologetic for his entrance.

Izzy’s shoulder’s drop-in relief as she closes the rest of the distance between them, putting a hand lightly on Magnus’ arm, ‘What’s wrong, this isn’t you Magnus’.

Magnus looks around at the red alert and then back at Izzy as if just noticing the alarm he’s just caused and over to Jace and Clary who have joined her side. His eyes now filled with worry, ‘Izzy, they’ve got Alec… Valentine has Alec’.

All three of the Shadowhunters eyes go wide. But before they can start, they hear the familiar heel clicks coming towards them, ‘What. Is. Going. On?’ Maryse Lightwood’s words puncture over the alarm, arms crossed over her chest.

‘Alec has been taken by Valentine’. Izzy replies almost automatically, the news having not yet sunk in.

Maryse’s turns her head slightly, confused, as if that wasn’t what she was expecting to hear.

‘But the alarm…’

‘As soon as I found out I portalled here. Apparently, some of your Shadowhunters didn’t seem to understand the dire importance of the situation’.

Maryse looks around as she notices the two Shadowhunters being taken away, probably to the infirmary, before she looks back at the group. ‘How do you know he was taken?’ she finally says her voice flat and stoic.

Magnus blinks, expecting to be ripped through for throwing rude Shadowhunters across the institute, but instead she’s down to business. As per usual.

‘When I portalled back to my loft this morning, it had been trashed. Raphael was there, he had been severely injured, he said six circle members had attacked them while they were both at my loft. They fought but were outnumbered. That’s when they took Alec’.

‘Raphael...’ Izzy murmured.

‘Why was Alec at your loft?’ Maryse demanded, ‘He shouldn’t have been here’.

‘He…’ Izzy started, replying to her mother, knowing the truth would probably make her angrier, ‘He wanted to discuss some leads with Magnus but…’ Izzy’s gaze moved to Magnus, hoping he will understand the real reason why Alec went to Magnus’, ‘But when he couldn’t get in touch with him, so he went to investigate’. Magnus’ eyes widened a little at Izzy’s words.

Maryse’s pointed gaze moved from her daughter to Magnus.

Magnus sighed, ‘Elliot, killed himself so that Valentine couldn’t get a hold of him. He had been the protector of the Mortal Mirror’. Magnus pauses, ‘With Elliot dead, the role of protector moved onto Dot’. There is a small gasp as Clary puts her hand over her mouth. Magnus turns to Clary, ‘So I took her to one of my safe houses, she didn’t want to be taken by Valentine again… but she had a change of heart, biscuit’. Magnus looked at the other Shadowhunters, ‘Despite being scared out of her wits. For some ungodly reason, she wanted to help you. Help Clary…’ Magnus gave Clary a small smile, ‘For Jocelyn’.

Maryse purses her lips and lets out a breath through her nose.

‘Is Dot secure?’ She finally asked. Magnus snorted, ‘Is she safe do you mean? Yes, she is. What I want to know is why are we still standing here… Alec could be-’ Magnus

‘-Alec can take care of himself. We need to find the mortal mirror’, Maryse cut him off, replying matter-of-factly.

Magnus’ face clouded over, ‘Alexander is in the hands of Valentine. He is your own son. I will not help you with the mortal mirror until Alexander is safe’.

Magnus could tell Maryse was not happy with that ultimatum. He notices her clenched jaw and fists. Lips pursed.

‘You can not just-’she started,

‘That’s my deal Maryse, we find Alec first and then I’ll help you with the mortal mirror’, Magnus crosses his arms over his chest, mirroring her earlier pose.

‘Fine’, she forced out, ‘Izzy, you’ll be helping Magnus with the search’, and with a that Maryse turned quickly, tight pony tail whipping with the movement as she marched out of the command centre.

 

 **This is the start of how it all ever ends**  
**They used to shout my name, now they whisper it**  
**I’m speeding up and this is the**  
**Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart**

 

Looking over a map of New York, Izzy crosses out another possible location with a sigh. It’s been 2 days now. Maryse Lightwood had allowed a team of Shadowhunters to look for Alec but so far, despite scouring Magnus’ loft, there were no leads.

Magnus paced, ‘This is too slow…’ Izzy looked over as Magnus’ paced, ‘I can’t just stay here…’ he continued, obviously frustrated, hands clenched by his sides as he continued to pace.

‘Why do you care Magnus… you were the one who left Alec’, Izzy replied, nonchalantly,

Magnus whipped around to face Izzy, ‘Because I love…’ Magnus abruptly stopped himself as Izzy raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, realising what he was saying.

Magnus sighed, ‘because I love your brother’, his voice soft, ‘I can’t bear to think, that I might never have the chance to say it to him’.

Izzy looked at him for a second before turning back to the map, trying to hide the grin on her face ‘That’s what I thought, well if you want to pull some of your contacts… maybe someone in the downworld has heard or seen something’.

  
**We rip the start, the colours disappear**  
**I never watch the stars there’s so much down here**  
**So I just try to keep up with them**  
**Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart**

 

Alec gritted his teeth as another hot blade slices his stomach. The man, if you can call him that, all the charred flesh taking away any distinguishing features, he laughs with glee, ‘You’re disgusting warlock lover boy isn’t going to want you after I’m done with you’. He sneers, taunting him with the knife, ‘You’re a disgrace to Shadowhunters. To your name sake’, his voice becoming shriller, the more he gets into his rant.

Alec’s head dropped as he kept talking, breathing heavy. His arms ached from being chained up above him for so long, in what looked like some warehouse, old crates and palettes stacked up in the corners. From the fishy smell, he was near the docks, but where? Alec didn’t know how long he was out. He might not even still be in New York… He didn’t even remember how he got here, having been knocked out from the blow from behind back at Magnus’ loft….

Magnus…

He could be here somewhere… if the mess in his loft was anything to go by.

Alec had to get out of here. But how? He could feel the blood trickling down his stomach, his body littered with slices and bruises and burns, drying blood around his nose and head, the metallic taste of mercury a permanent taste in his mouth. This thing… whoever it was, had been having his fun with Alec. Several times Alec had lost consciousness. He wasn’t even sure how long he’d been here.

But he knew, he had to get out of here.

Had to find Magnus.

‘You know…’ Alec had not been paying attention to the thing in front of him, until he realised just how close he’d gotten, how close that knife now was. The smell of burnt flesh getting under his nose, Alec tried to not look disgusted as the smell filled his nostrils. When he had wrinkled his nose up last time, he had received a bloody nose and a punch to the guts. ‘Maybe I need to cut up that pretty face of yours, so you’ll be as beautiful as me’. Alec’s hazel eyes widened for a second as the knife moved closer to his face.

‘Do you think your warlock will still want you with an ugly face like mine?’ The man continues, his face inches from Alec’s.  

He moved he knife to brush over Alec’s cheek, ‘What do you think lover boy?’

‘Jonathan! I hope you’re making our guess comfortable’. A deep voice came out from the shadows as Valentine himself emerged.

The man, Jonathan jumped back, ‘Yeah… yeah of course’. Jonathan steps back, away from Alec.

Valentine ignored him, grinning as he moved into the space in front of Alec, hands behind his back.

‘Leave us’, he dismissed, Jonathan, ‘Alexander and I need to have a little chat’.

 

 

**I dream all year, but they’re not the same kinds  
And the shivers move down my shoulder blades in double time**

**And now people talk to me I’m slipping out of reach now  
People talk to me, and all their faces blur**

 

It took them a while, Magnus using every contact he had, to try and get some information but finally some intel about some weird activity at one of the warehouses at docks in South Brooklyn. Jace’s tracking of Alec had been faint, but it had lead him in the same area. Now they knew exactly where he was, they could get a team together and…

“I’m going’, Magnus abruptly stood up, ‘Magnus!’, Izzy replied, alarmed, ‘at least wait until we have clearance to go, we need to get a team together –’

Magnus gave her a faint smile, ‘You sound like Alec’. He shook his head, smile going, ‘I can’t stand here idly when Alec could be hurt… or worse’.

Izzy frowned, she knew Magnus was right. The more time they wasted waiting to get clearance the more they could be risking…

‘Our intel said there were at least 30 or more circle members, Magnus. You can’t take them on by yourself’.

‘I won’t be, you’ll be with me’. He smiled,

Rolling her eyes, Izzy groaned, ‘At least let me suit up with some weapons first!’.

  
**But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison**  
**And I’m locking up everyone that ever laid a finger on me**  
**I’m going in (ooh)**

 

Bursting open the door with a flick of the wrist, Magnus almost grinned as he threw two circle members through the walls of the warehouse as they try to attack him. Izzy almost rolled her eyes at the dramatics, before dispensing of two circle members herself with the crack of her electron whip.

Moving further into the space, Izzy frowned and as if reading her own thoughts, Magnus muttered, ‘Where is everyone? I thought this was full of circle members’.

Izzy carefully moved behind some pallets, surveying the space, ‘maybe they’ve already moved on, like last time’. Magnus followed in behind her, ‘I doubt it, something is definitely not right here’.

Magnus clenched his jaw, if they’d moved on, they might have taken Alec with them or… worse, left him for dead.

To the right and left were two heavy metal doors. Other than the palettes they were hiding behind now, the space was empty, leaving them no cover in case of attack.

Turning towards Magnus, Izzy put a hand on his arm, ‘We’ll find him, don’t worry’.

‘Izzy!’ Magnus yelled, glancing up and moving his hand quickly, grabbed the circle member by the throat with a lasso of blue magic before he was able to stab her in the back with an axe.

‘Thanks’ Izzy breathed, disarming the circle member and kicking away the axe, ‘hmm… maybe he knows where Alec is’.

Magnus grinned and turned to the circle member, ‘You heard the lady, where is Alec?’

The circle member coughed, ‘I don’t know who you’re talking about’, he croaked.

Magnus raised an eyebrow and with a careful movement of his fingers, the magic noose around the circle members neck tightened, ‘I _said_ … where is Alec Lightwood? I _will not_ ask again’.

The circle member gasped, and then after a moment, raised his arm and pointed towards the heavy metal door to the right.

‘Now, was that so hard?’ Magus quipped sarcastically as he dropped the magic nose from his neck. The circle member dropped to the floor. If Magnus tightened the noose just a little more before he let go… no one was going to know, right?

Not even giving the circle member a second glance, Magnus rushed to the heavy metal door, flicking his wrist to open it as he ran.

 

 **This is the start of how it all ever ends**  
**They used to shout my name, now they whisper it**  
**I’m speeding up and this is the**  
**Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart**

 **We rip the start, the colors disappear**  
**I never watch the stars there’s so much down here**  
**So I just try to keep up with them**  
**Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart**

 **And this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat**  
**Sparking up my heart**  
**And this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat-beat-beat-beat**

 

There hanging from the ceiling by chains was his Alec.

Magnus let out an audible gasp as he saw him. His body battered, bloody and bruised.

‘Oh! my Alexander’, he gasped, moving towards the hanging body in the middle of the room. Moving without hesitation, Magnus cut down the chains with a slice of blue magic and carefully caught Alec as he fell and moved him to a lying position on the floor, hand already moving, looking for signs of life. It was faint, but it was there, ‘He’s alive!’ Magus called, but Izzy was already by his side.

Brushing away his dark fringe, Magnus’ magic was already working, healing.

After a moment, there was a movement, a flutter of dark eyelashes again pale skin, as Alec slowly opened his eyes, ‘There you are…’ Magnus soothed, smiling, only to be met with horror, as Alec’s hazel eyes widened, ‘No…’ he croaked, ‘No, no… get out…’ Magnus looked at him confused, ‘What? Alexander… what- ‘

Alec tried to move, push Magnus away, ‘No… go!’ he croaked, trying to find his voice. Magnus looked at him startled, ‘Alexander, I can explain…’

‘No…no… go…go…’ Alec tried to move away, sit up. Izzy stood there motionless watching her brother push the love of his life away.

Magnus looked at him horrified, did he really hate him this much? ‘Please Alexander, I need to tell you something… I love – ‘

NO… ‘GO!’ Alec yelled, cutting him off, finally finding his voice, ‘IT’S A TRAP-‘

Before Magnus could react, there was a huge explosion.

 


	8. Ain't No Easy Way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Magnus!’ Alec moved quickly to catch him, forgetting his own injuries, wincing in pain at the sudden movement as he caught Magnus in his arms and gentle brought him to the floor.  
> ‘Alec!’ Izzy was by their side in a second, putting a hand on Alec’s shoulder. ‘Oh! By the angel!’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL!!  
> It's been a while!!  
> I'd like to thank everyone who has continued to be supportive through my writers block and I know this chapter is short but I hope to finish this fic very soon! 
> 
>  
> 
> Set after 2x10 but I've skewed a few things, hence why it's an au  
> This fic is unbeta'd so please be nice.  
> This fic will eventually be Explicit - hence the rating.
> 
> Continuing the song fic angst because this is where I like to wallow.
> 
> Fic title is from the song Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar.
> 
> Chapter title is Ain't No Easy Way by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.
> 
> Come say hello to me on tumblr - JackPotato

 

 **It's easy to fall in love**  
**When you fall in love you know you're done**  
**You got easy eyes to hunt**  
**When the world above needs your blood**  
**In the cold veins of the richest man**  
**He'll pay your way to steal her hand**

 **There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**

It all happened in slow motion.

One minute he was yelling trying to tell Magnus it was a trap and there was a magnificent noise. Alec closed his eyes and bowed his head, waiting to feel the heat from blast.

To be consumed by it.

To die from it.

But there was nothing.

Slowly lifting his head and opening his eyes, Alec couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Around them was almost a blue shield, protecting them from the blast.

The fire ball from the blast had almost consumed the room. Alec could almost feel the heat from it on his face.  

Lifting his head further, Alec could see the grimace on Magnus’ face as he stood above him, holding the shield for a second before pushing it out, dousing the flames.

Magnus held his arm up for a moment longer before wavering, staggering back and then falling forward.

‘Magnus!’ Alec moved quickly to catch him, forgetting his own injuries, wincing in pain at the sudden movement as he caught Magnus in his arms and gentle brought him to the floor.

‘Alec!’ Izzy was by their side in a second, putting a hand on Alec’s shoulder. ‘Oh! By the angel!’. 

  
**It's easy to fall in love**  
**When you've run your luck you know you're done**  
**And the last kiss had a fool's cost**  
**Now your tired eyes could only haunt**

 

Magnus could feel himself being lifted, with a groan he opened one eye, “Hold on…” he heard Izzy say, voice laboured. Opening the other bleary eye, Magnus could make out that he was being half carried, half dragged. One arm looped over Izzy’s shoulders as she held him around his middle, trying to move him out. As he slowly came to he realised what was happening and attempted to move, “Magnus!” Izzy breathed exasperated, “we’re almost there”. “Alec” he croaked, Izzy faltered in her steps, “he’s okay, I’ll get him next… he… demanded I take you to safety first”.

Magnus squirmed, trying to get out of her hold, how could Izzy be saving him instead of Alec?! 

“Magnus… stop! I promised Alec I’d get you to safety first… now stop it… we’re nearly there” she chastised.

Of course, Alec would do that!

Magnus tried to move again, “Izzy… Isabelle, I think I can walk on my own” he croaked, trying to sound like he was fine, but failing miserably when his voice came out as bad as he probably looked right now, drained and weary.

After a moment, he was set down, “Don’t go anywhere!” Izzy demanded, pointing a finger at him, in full over protective mum mode.

“If only I could darling”, he tried to give her his best and smoothest smile, but from the wince on Izzy’s face, Magnus was sure it looked more like a grimace. Pausing for second, Izzy was off again behind Magnus back in the direction of the warehouse.

Shuffling around to look in the direction Izzy had left, he gasped. The place was in ruins. Charred remains, still smouldering in places of what had been the warehouse.

They we’re lucky to be alive. 

Magnus waited for what seemed like an eternity before he saw the familiar figure of Izzy, carrying Alec in her arms.

As they neared, it was obvious Alec wasn’t conscious. Wincing as he moved to try and stand, wobbling a little as he half knelt, his body betraying him, still too weak from using all his magic to douse the fire earlier.

“I thought I told you to stay!” Izzy scolded, as she carefully placed Alec on the ground next to him. Shuffling forward, Magnus place a hand on Alec’s cheek and then his neck, looking for a pulse. It was there, but very weak.

As he looked up, Izzy was already pulling out her phone, “Jace? Yeah… We found him”

Magnus didn’t listen to the rest of the conversation, looking back down at Alexander. Brushing errand hair off his forehead. He bent down to kiss the top of his forehead, “I love you”, he whispered into his cool pale skin, _his Alexander_ , not noticing the flutter of Alec’s eyelashes. “I have never stopped loving you” he said, running a hand through Alec’s dark locks. 

Magnus didn’t see the movement of Alec’s arm before he was being lifted up and away from Alec, “wait!” he tried to yell as Clary moved them away, but his voice was still a croak. Magnus hadn’t realised how long they’d been there and the place was now swarming with Shadowhunters, three of which were now kneeling next to where Alec lay. “It’s okay” she soothed, “Let them take care of him, you’ll see him soon”, her voice calm and level as she guided Magnus towards the portal, Magnus hadn’t realised was there, still too out of it. He didn’t even notice the concerned look shared between Clary and Dot before they passed through the portal and into the Institute.

  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**

 

Magnus hadn’t even realised when he’d fallen asleep until he was woken by sunlight drifting through the stained-glass window, making colourful patterns across the floor and onto the bed.

Rubbing his eyes, Magnus groaned as he tried to sit upright in bed, “Magnus!” Clary leapt up from her chair and across the room to his side.

“Biscuit”, he replied, feeling a lot more rested, but still a little weak. It was going to be at least a week or so before he’d return back to normal. Speaking of…

“How long have I been asleep?” he asked, voice scratchy. As if on cue, Clary carefully handed him a glass of water, “3 days”, she replied, Magnus spurting out the water, he had in his mouth all over the clean grey bed sheet. That’s when Magnus properly looked around the room, “Am I?...”

Clary’s cheeks flushed, “In Alec’s room…” she answered, “We thought…” she twisted the rings on her fingers, nervously. “We didn’t think you’d mind?”

Magnus raised an eyebrow at her, before surveying the room. He had only been in this room briefly previous, Alec preferring to stay at his loft. There wasn’t much to the room, decorated in greys and navy’s with not much personality or personal belongings except for the picture frames on the tallboy and of course… Alec’s bow neatly resting against his wardrobe. Looking at the picture frames, Magnus notices something familiar.

Carefully getting up and pushing the covers aside, he makes his way across the room, waving a hand at Clary who hovered next to him, just in case. 

As he gets to the picture frame in question he sees what he had noticed from the bed. Magnus plucks out the photo stuck in the corner of the frame, running a finger over the faces smiling back at him.

“He loves you, you know”. Magnus looks over his shoulder, not realising Clary was standing behind him. He gives her a small smile and then looks back at the photo. It’s one of the photos from their trip to Tokyo. Magnus has a similar strip from the photo booth still stuck in one of his photo frames.

Placing the photo back in the frame, Magnus turns to Clary, “I should go, I think I may have already overstayed my welcome”.

Clary looks at his confused, “Don’t you want…”

Picking up his jacket off the chair and kneeling down to put his boots back on, Magnus pauses for a second, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together.

“Magnus…” she started again, sensing his reluctance, before he’s standing up straight again and lifting his head. Magnus turns with a flourish, “Chairman Meow will be clawing at the walls, I’d hate to see what he may have done to my 16th century French chaise lounge Biscuit…”

Walking towards the door Magnus opens it as he turns back to a dumbfounded Clary, “Please thank Isabelle for me I’ll be sure to send her something nice…” he turns back to the door, faced with an angry-faced Isabelle.

“He’s asking for you”. 

 

 **There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**(It's easy to fall in love**  
**When you fall in love you know you're done)**  
**There ain't no easy way**  
**No there ain't no easy way out**  
**(It's easy to fall in love**  
**When you fall in love you know you're done)**

 

Pausing at the door to the infirmary, Magnus looks back to Izzy. She raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in return, challenging him.

There is no way he can get out of this. 

Sighing Magnus turns back and pushes open the door.

As the door shuts softly behind him, Magnus thought he’d see Alec hooked up too many machines, but there is just one, a heart rate monitor, softly beeping, tracking his every heart beat. However, the young Shadowhunter is heavily bandaged, sitting up slightly in the bed, covers pooled around his middle, pillows stuffed behind him. Magnus can see his torso is wrapped in bandages. His fingers twitch, the urge to pull up the covers, wrap his Shadowhunter in warmth is almost too much. He can’t bear to see Alec like this, while his bruises and scars  and broken bones will heal, to see him like this is almost too much. He wants to kill everyone that did this to _his_ Alec.

But he isn’t his Alec. Not anymore.

Magnus is distracted enough looking at all the bandages, to not see Alec open his eyes until he hears the soft words, “I don’t look that bad do I?”.  It’s a bad joke, but it’s the voice that makes Magnus laugh nervously, “of course… of course not darling”. Magnus _never_ stutters. Never stammers and yet…

He moves towards the bed instinctly, hand on the pristine white sheets. “You gave us a bit of a scare Alexander”, his voice is hushed as he looks over Alec's face, never really looking him in the eye. 

“So, did you”, Alec replies, moving his hand over so their fingers brushed. Magnus looks down at their hands and after a pregnant pause, he moves to lightly take Alec’s hand in his.

Magnus is not sure how long he stares at their joint hands until Alec speaks again.

“I heard you”.

Magnus looks up at Alec confused, finally looking him in the eyes, “Outside the warehouse, you thought I was unconscious, but I was coming to…” Alec waits till Magnus realises, waits to see Magnus thinking for a second, before his eyes widen, remembering what he said.

He doesn’t know what to say, for once in his long life he doesn’t have a witty come back or suave innuendo. He is speechless.

Feeling Alec squeeze his hand, Magnus looks into Alec’s watery hazel eyes, “I love you Magnus”.

Squeezing his hand back, Magnus, gives him a similarly watery smile, “I love you too”.


End file.
